I have a very good friend who has RA and has had it all of his life. Sometimes it is so bad that he literally can't get out of bed to go to the bathroom.
He is not generally a complainer, learned long ago that it just makes him more miserable, but because his flare ups can be so bad and some last for months it is a common topic of conversation.
It can be difficult to listen to a laundry list of what seem to be complaints, even though they are simply facts of daily living over an extended period of time. A person who is ill shouldn't have to keep it a 'secret' so that others aren't involved but there is a limit to what a person can listen to.
I've always said I'm willing to commiserate with someone a couple of times but then they have to do something about their problem because I'm not here to feed them my energy in support of their difficulties if they aren't doing anything to change the situation. They need to help themselves as well.
Sometimes though even when helping themselves the problem remains (especially when it is a health related issue). When it gets to be too much for me I step back a little and don't call for awhile. When I fell I can deal with it again then I give him a call and find out how he is doing.
He has never however told me he would 'die without me' that is a sick statement. Manipulative at the least and this is someone I would distance myself from. They are never going to get well. (physically or emotionally) They have been working this game for a very long time.
Walk in beauty,
Rebecca
