Esin,
Having been suicidal not so long ago, I can promise you that the feelings you are having now will pass.
I personally was very frustrated with my depression and am still not certain why a relationship ending badly (and not a very long one at that) triggered such a very extreme emotional response, and am also still in the process of recovering.
Depression, like a mood altering drug, is basically chemical. The drug you have taken has altered the chemical pathways in your brain. That is the reason you are feeling like this.
The reasons to live are countless, from the taste of cherries to the feeling of a breeze or the smile of a person you care about.
The reason not to live is only one, the pain you are feeling now and the numbness and depressionthat comes with it.
It will pass.
I hope with all my heart that you are able to read these words.
If you would like a someone to talk to I am here, if you would like advice I shall be happy to give it.
I know that the Reiki and kind words sent by people in this cafe helped me enormously during my hardest times. I am sure they will be happy to send it your way.
Remember you have done nothing wrong by feeling like this. Even the greatest masters stumble sometimes, so don't beat yourself up.
Just look after yourself.
And listen to yourself. Often the voices which seem to be against us are just trying to tell us that we arn't happy and want changes in our lives to make the world easier.
Take care Esin
Love and light
Shanta
