The Hoboken Cafe 

does anybody have any advice/thoughts about how you balance several different groups of friends? i have run into this problem recently in that i have been invited to different events on the same day by different groups. the unwritten rule is if you really are our friend, you'll show up here. it is getting frustrating and sometimes makes me feel like i am back in highschool. i want to spend time with my friends, but i don't want to feel like i'm being forced to choose who i like better or more.

Hmm.... I think this really has a lot to do with the difference between friends and aquaintences. I have a lot more aquaintences than friends and with my friends this is never even an issue.

All of my friends have other stuff going on and there are times when our schedules mesh and times when they don't, but we are always understanding of this because... well, because we are friends. Sometimes I may not see a particular friend for weeks, but it does not diminish our friendship. I tend to have a lot of events and while I would like to have as many of my friends there as I could, I'm fully aware that everyone has lives and other things to do and I wouldn't consider myself a good friend myself if I were to try to "Guilt" someone into attending an event. There will always be more events.

I guess it's different for different people, and it could be that I just don't become friends with people who would think that way. Then again, it could be a matter of being secure in a friendship. With the really good friends I have, we would never think of having to "prove" our friendship in any way. It's just there.

-Mike

Anonymous said on

>does anybody have any advice/thoughts about how you balance several different groups of friends? i have run into this problem recently in that i have been invited to different events on the same day by different groups. the unwritten rule is if you really are our friend, you'll show up here. it is getting frustrating and sometimes makes me feel like i am back in highschool. i want to spend time with my friends, but i don't want to feel like i'm being forced to choose who i like better or more.

I think Mike made some good points: People who are not accepting of the fact that you have a life and other friends are probably really friends. Cliqueishness and exclusivity are not what I would consider to be the hallmarks of good, close friends and it sounds like this is what is going on. Understanding, tolerance and acceptance are though...

one of the factors might have to do with preference for type of event, rarity of event, whether one of the people "needs" you there

Some times it just seems like too much trouble. I am getting tired of feeling pressure to conform. I sometimes feel like nobody sees/knows the real me, that if I don't go along with the group or behave the way they expect me to, then I'll be excluded. There is always talk about how friends support each other and help each other, but the reality is it depends on how you are. sometimes it feels so "animal farm"-

O.K. Anyone who would pressure you to conform and not hang out with you if don't is NOT a friend. An aquaintance maybe, but not a friend. Anyone who would treat you like that is not even worth hanging out with in my book.

-Mike

Anonymous said on

>Some times it just seems like too much trouble. I am getting tired of feeling pressure to conform. I sometimes feel like nobody sees/knows the real me, that if I don't go along with the group or behave the way they expect me to, then I'll be excluded. There is always talk about how friends support each other and help each other, but the reality is it depends on how you are. sometimes it feels so "animal farm"-