The Reiki Cafe 

Otoharo!

It is Equinox again! How extraordinary that i am recognizing my shadow that I have refused to recognize for years, now, even for thousands of lifetimes! I could have sim ply added this to my previous thread but It is too important to be an add on.

I do not know who of you have done this shadow work. If you have, please join me in this sharing.

When I was privaledged to work with Xaris, all help was available to me. However, I could not use that help. At that time, I was doomed. Prior to that, after I learned of the relationship with my soul mate, we were both present in a group meeting in my home. She was sitting facing east, I was sitting facing north. No one was between us, but I saw between us a very large, dark, shadow. Almost black. I shared this information with Xaris and she knew what it was but it would do no good to tell me until I could acknowledge it for myself. That I have acknowledged since the time I posted here!

An event occurred in which was played out for me to see, all the ramifications of my shadow. In the past, when I was fased with this information, I knew it was not me. There was no way that that could be me that is creating all this havoc. I fiercly denied it. That denial is what doomed me subsequently.

Yesterday, I was able to see all this destructiveness and know that it was me doing it. Undercover? You bet. Sneaky? You bet. That is the nature of shadow. You have heard me describe times when I recognized something in myself that I did not like, but I would put a good face on it! There is no way to put a good face on Shadow. Seeing all this destructiveness it came to me suddenly, yes, this is me. This is mine to acknowledge. No one can heal it or cope with it abut me. It is ancient. It harks back to that renegade behavior in Chulan. That is what lost me my immortality.

Yesterday, I began acknowledging it. Before going to bed, my home play was to go into meditation and be in Reiki before going to sleep.

In meditation, I faced the enormity of this me, took control, gave the order that it was to remain in me, not out causing havoc to my soul mate, in her relationships with her friends and family, in relationships with other friends and their families. I ordered it to stay here, grounded. (This is what Xaris ordered me to do after I returned from the island. I was to stay in the body, not going off on those psychic trips) I then acknowledged as much as I could, spoke lovingly but firmly, thanked this me for its service to me, released it, and choose differently for myself. I was aware then of transmuting the energy I had released.

This morning in reporting back to my friend, I shared that I was concerned that I had not acknowledge all of it, there is more here. I did not want to ovaerwhelm myself. I was assured that was not my area to be concerned about. The Holy will not ever give me more to acknowledge at one time than I would be able to do. So, I happily took another look at it, saw more and more of the destructiveness, the extent of the havoc wrought in other peoples lives, forgave it all, released it all, chose again, and observed its transmuting. In the invisible world, I reconnoitered with my spiritual group with great celebration, and warm acceptance.

I do not doubt there is more yet to do. At this time, I have chosen to do as much as I can now do to bring about complete clearing and cleansing. (My skin continues to itch like crazy!)

Since i see energy, I can see what is real. I was shown the soul of the part of me that includes this shadow self. It is not yet able to ascend. More yet do discover and to heal!

And so it goes!

finality

Otoharo!

Last night, My friend and I talked again. I reported that I could not dscribed my feelings. I just could not say. She checked my energy and asked if I were in shock. That was it! I hd been in shock all day long. But before we finished talking, my joy returned and I was not longer in shock. Looking back on all that happened it is no wonder that my body reacted in this way. Today, the itching has ceased! I gardened for the daylight hours getting beds ready. I have root foods planted and peas, lettuce, and spinach. Too cold yet for the rest.

In speaking with a friend about the shadow, i first saw, it was a spook. That spook is what has interferred in the lives of my friends and likely my family though they have not complained. It was this spook which is the soul fragment I have shared with you about. I never knew that someone's shadow could be a spook. It was never mentioned in all my training with Cole.

finality

Otoharo!

Today, after a long meditation last evening, I am feeling the realness of me again. Itching is gone, the aura I see when eyes closed is not yet the gold field as I used to see it, but it is white, the neucleus is white. That is a good move up the scale of vibrations! Our Reiki share met this morning. I have never had nor participated with students as exhuberant as these. They are a real pleasure. I can report to you that all that one experiences in gaining spiritual growth is truly worth every minute spent.

finality

Glad to hear your itching is subsiding and that you're achieving higher vibrations : )

Bless you Finality! Thank you for sharing this very personal part of yourself.
You have perhaps put into words, something I was aware of at a different level, but could not quite touch upon to describe. I sense a shadow self, that pulses in and out of my life, not sure if it is the same thing as what you experience, but it certainly does harm to ME, if no one else, and that is not good. It usually heralds for me big changes and lessons, but is not particularly enjoyable to have around...... for me, it manifests as depression or as with my situation now, deep deep sadness that haunts me and makes me desperately wish to go home....home, wherever that may be. It sure does not feel like where I am at this moment. Is this what you are talking about?

I would appreciate some guidance - I have not spoken to anyone about this, but it always catches me unaware, especially at times when I am so full of joy, I feel my vibrations have lifted and that "all is well"....when I feel most like "Who I am" and that I am on the path!
What does this tell me?
Maybe it is just the shadow trying to sabotage my journey... maybe it is my fear. I do not know. A close friend tells me that I call this in for the lessons that I need.....but hey, I don't remember calling this darn shadow in......I am perfectly happy at such times! Why would I wish to change that.
I must admit, your post touched me, because I am at a point of confusion in my journey,and although forging ahead with eyes wide open, in the quiet moments, the shadow lurks and puts the tears back in my heart.
I would welcome your advice.
Gratefully,
Wendy

Otoharo!

Wendy, I am still in the midst of my own clearing and cleansing and healing. IT may take some time to get through this. Please hold on. When I am able I will reply, gladly and gratefully. In the meantime, be in Reiki as much as possible and ask for answers.

finality

Otoharo!

Wendy, I am so glad to report that I have won this round with shadow. I was prepared to set aside two weeks to do this but this morning it is done!

Coming home, is exactly what it says. Coming home to yourself. Your High Self. My case is not typical and can not be considered general. The Course in Miracles tells what is general. You must have a partner who will also be your savior. I hope you are familiar with this book. But no matter.

The steps are roughly this:

1. Recognize that you have a dark energy hanging around.
2. Acknowledge that this is yours (as opposed to someone else). And as something you have invited into you that is foreign to the real you.
2a. This is the ego intellect that you and all humans made. It is not created by the Holy. Therefore it is not real.
2b. It is sly, underhanded, and out to "get you". Lazaris calls this a homosuididal maniac that lives under your bed.
2c. It zeros in on fear. Depression is compounded of fear, and rage turned in upon oneself. (I know from experience)
2d. As long as it can keep you hunckered down, it feeds off your energy and you are completely depleted of energy. You can hardly move to get up out of bed. You are wrung out. And haunted still by further threat of more to come.
3. Acknowledge that you do unspeakable things that you can not bear. You continue to invite in this danger to yourself. You continue to agree with it in some way. You must find this out.
4. You have feelings that you fear you would die if you expressed them! The truth is, you will die if you do not express them. This is unbearable pain!
5. You share with your partner.
6. This brings you through layer of healing.
7. This process repeats through time, as you peel away layer after layer of the shadow self. Until the ego-intellect is transmuted, no longer exists.
8. The process ends with you living in You, One with your High Self, One with the Holy. In fact, as a fragment of the Holy.
9. The last step constitues the exponential leap of evolution into a higher being without any shadows. It is the christing.

Being all this while in Reiki makes it a success.

Now, as to your message. You are describing the ego-intellect to a tee. It seeks re-entrance as soon as you oust it. It hovers over the whole planet. A constant threat to all humanity. When you heal, your healing repercusses throughout the planet.

Wendy, I do not know just where you are in your journey. Suppose there is yet a deeply hidden pain you have never shared with yourself nor anyone else. Start there.

Suppose you are at the end phase. You are so near being christed that the ego-intellect is desperate to get back in while the getting can be had.

Suppose ego-intellect feels to you like your very own self. How can you transmute yourself? Start at acknowledging that it is the you of the past, but that it is not the you, you are choosing to be. Just let it go!

My dear, you are so sensitive. You pick up feelings of others that do not belong to you. Even as you respond to others on the board, you could unwittinly pick up their stuff and think it yours or think you did not invite it in. You must stay in the now. I was fearful for you when I realized some of your posts on the writer's board was material from the past. That brings in the past. Quick as a whistle. You must stay in the NOW. As long as you stay in the NOW, ego-intellect can not get in. It is that simple. In that case, your only work would be watching your feelings closely. They will communicate to you where you are. Dread is a forewarning. Danger lurks. Be open and honest and Yourself will reveal Herself.

You may email me for personal sharing if you wish.

finality

Otoharo!

All hell broke loose during that sharing. I can not share the personal stuff, as it involves another person. It did bring to my attention how it is that I never get there. There is a stop that engages and blocks my every step forward! It janks me back. It was this confrontation which resulted in my feeling my own terror. I shook all over as though having a severe attack of chills. I feel this everytime, I have to bring the free floating spook back into me. Fear beyond description.

This time, my assignment was to enter meditation to the place of nothingness, and while there to transmute the ego-intellect, which I am now calling my shadow self.

That was Tuesday night. My partner was in Reiki meditation all night with me, similar to the time in 2001 when I first stood up to ego. Meanwhile I am in meditation as much as I can. But slip into sleep. At midnight I arise with a song (very lovely). Back to bed and meditation until sleep overtakes again. In the morning we reconourter. She is surprised that I got music in the middle of the night. She reported her side. Continuous attempts at distraction. Ego attacks and then defends constantly.

I choose to take the day off, wednesday to continue this meditation. (I refer you to my reply to Wendy with steps listed.) I had to return almost to the very beginning. I realized why my shadow self had become a spook. (NOTE: that is not to be taken as general. It only applies to me.) I, as this spook, loose and free, was invading other people's lives and feeding off other people unbeknowst to me. Still.

Lordy, I was realy taken aback! I dedicated yesterday to this Great Work, as Lazaris calls it. I was in meditation two hours at a shot all day long. Luckily, I had left-overs and did not have to stop to cook. On the Reiki board I shared this next part. At dusk,I went into the bathroom to look in the mirror at my aura and saw still further shadow just when I thought I had accomplished so Much! This dark energy covering my crown is what interferes with my having direct input from the Holy. It is my separation from the Holy, not the other way around.

The remainder of this is my notes of what work I did yesterday, in case you are interested. Note too, that my case is not typical.
8-10. I have to follow my own heart since I can not follow the Holy. I have to do this alone. I alone lost my way, I alone must can return.:
Simply transmuting, being in the space of healing I know so well. Intent upon finding me and transmuting all that I do not now choose to be. Felt the devastation of my own actions. Pain. Saw light streaming in, swirling surrounding me. Cocooned. So intense, completely healed and cleared.
Then the pain again. I am now back at the time of exile from Chulan. I have become a lawbreaker. No other HEB in the history of all creation has ever "gone bad". Before I experience the consequences (loss of immortality with its subsequent rage at God), I can not bear this pain. I push it out of me. It is now free-floating in the Universe. (a spook) I see how deadly this is and bring it all back into me. I withdraw it from all its attachments . I alone love it, own it, nurture it. I am all back together again, (no spook). I feel all. I have enough love to heal this me I had disowned.

I forgive myself. No one else but me, judges this. I alone have judged it as unspeakable. I forgive. I choose that no part of me ever takes energy from another person ever again! I take in only Reiki, Universal healing love.

11 am. I return to exile from Chulan. I awakened in the corwn of a tree, 2 others are here also. We three are natives of Chulan (which means HEB's who keep the commisiion Holy Law to do nothing to allow native humans to become aware of our presence.) We look around and find that the gang have left us. We are alone. (We can still elevate at this point) I had the inkling then that we were like wet nurses to the other renegades who fed off our energy. (We three are the only ones who try to keep all our trash picked up and leave no trace) I try to convince the others to return to Chulan with me. We can swim underwater for long periods of time and could prevent detection. But they would not. So I returned. When I climbed on the island, some people helped me and took me back to the council. I reasoned with them. I wanted them to detain me there with enough land to feed myself. So that I could continue to learn about ego. I voluntarily submitted to detention. (This constitutes an alternative solution to being exiled). I summarized what I learned.: 1. ego is non-aware of rules or laws, thus is a lawbreaker.
2. ego creates addictions in the chemicals of the body or in behavior patterns.
3. ego keeps constant chatter in the head which distracts from inner communication and meditation.
What counters ego?
1. Taking charge and issuing orders to ego demanding obedience.
2. Forgiving myself, feel the love.
3. Choose again.
4. Creativity. It has always been hearing music which has kept me in realness even as I sank into ego-intellect.

I put together for myself that it was the inability to feel the pain, that caused me to split off this ego self causing it to take off on a tangent interfering with the lives of those I related to (as a spook). In this NOW, I can face the pain in all its awfulness that I could not or would not do in the NOW of the past. (NOTE: that now is also in this now.)

2:45 PM I am not willing to live separate from God. Not willing to live the ego intellect! (This was 10 minutes of tightly gripped fists pounding the air for emphasis).

2:55 The release of all the tentricles of ego. (During a healing that was like an exhorcism back in 2000, I realized that ego had tentricles all through me and no one could help me, because this free floating ego self would not give permission. No Reiki, no Shahman. Xaris said it would take a miracle!) No more strings in me!

3PM I realize I have had to make preparations for transmuting the ego.

5PM Transmuted--Transcended--Me. Holy accepted my return. I am all together again. All is quiet. I am so grateful!

Later, Look in the mirror and there is the shadow again!

I call my partner, leaving a message. She returns the call later. She goes immediately into Reiki and meditation to the space of nothing. She sees a tiny spark of light. She focuses intent upon it. It bursts into whole light! Simultaneously, I lie quietly, eyes closed see the tiny spark of light (like one lone star in a completely dark night) and suddenly, I have to turn over and go to sleep.

Awoke at 4 with a song. Returned to bed and could no longer meditate. Felt whole and fresh, and full of energy! Partner called at 6AM and reported success at transmuting immediately after we talked last night. Instant Reiki.

finality

Otoharo!

It is now saturday mroning. I had a fantastic night last night. There were times, however, when little doubts floated through as though to get my attention, but i said no. Always said no.

I am learning that once we release and transmute what we do not now choose to be, the ego-intellect of the planet, tries to get back in some way.

We need to be aware of this when we offer Reiki to another person, and also when we treat ourselves. Reiki does its job. We still must be alert to a return of the stuff which tries to get back in. The reiki treatment may need a continual clearing and transmuting. Be willing to continue holding Reiki energy for that situation.

finality

Otoharo!

I find I need to withdraw for a while, about two weeks.

finality