The Reiki Cafe 

Hey everyone...

Im really into spirituality and all that good alternative stuff. I really want to pursue it into a career, get reiki done etc... but my prblem is, i know i cant heal and pursue into it unless i heal myself first.

I have a REALLY hard time letting go and forgiving. I am unbelievbly jelous that i even dream about it. I love my bf but i struggle with this insise I dunno how to deal with it. I know i need someone's help. He has done little things to provoke my jealousy but at the same time, my dad cheated on my mom and i guess i cant get past that. How am i suppose to trust a guy when even if my parents were married for 16 yrs my dad was still opt to cheating on my mom?! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HELP! Im so jelous that i cancel certain things i would usually do if i were single/.. like going to bars or not hanging out with girls i think are pretty just incase he'll like them better.

Ya i realize its THAT big of a problem! But i have caught him in the beginnging of our relationship looking at porn, and thats when i snapped and i knew i wouldnt be able to trsut him. He's told me he stoppeed that day i told him to not look at it again. BUt than i found Maxim and Stff magazines hidden, and then he looked at swimsuit models on the comupter and i get to anger and hurt each time i find things,, and i know they're little things but for me their BIG.

How can i stop this suffering inside?

:'(

Bliss

bliss,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- first off, do not be too hard on yourself - looking at the matter is a crucial step forward

>:-}}

- yes, fear of loss can be a powerful emotion but telling others not to do things about which you are insecure is really not the answer, as you know

- and, you also know not to blame him (or your father) for your insecurities but that is, of course, easier said than done

- how you react to his behavior (whether you approve of it or not)is up to you

- if he has never "cheated" on you (how you define this is important as well), then your distrust is not fair to him

- professional counseling can be quite helpful in sorting things out andsoforth

- You might consider doing Reiki 1 training so you can begin to do daily personal Reiki work which has value as well

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

thanks for getting back,,,

Well, doing a sexual act whether it be with oneself looking at another girl sexually, to me, is cheating therefore YES when i caught the porn incident i was devasted! So... how so i get over that? He knows how i feel about it, this was over a year ago and i still bring it up. I just dont know if i can trust him. Even though he says he hasnt done it since, and the only reason he did it is cuz we were new into the relationship (living togther) and he didnt know how to approach me bout it (yet we had sex b4) argh! and then he didnt think anything was wrong with doing that. After me explaining being hurt and everything he claims to understand but i really dont think he does cuz he went on to buy maxim and stuff with like half naked girls in there. i just dont get it?!

And thanks for letting me know that I can do Reiki 1 and use that on myself. I never thought of that. I thought that training reiki is for helping others but yes I could help myself with it couldnt I?!

Bliss,

It seems likely that a big part of this issue is a result of your father cheating on your mom. One very important thing to remember is that we attract things into our life with our thoughts and words. The very act of continuing to worry about your bf cheating can help to actually bring that into your life.

You have to decide if you trust him or not. One thing you should realize is that your bf looking at porn is not an indication that he is going to cheat on you. In fact, trying to make him stop would only cause more problems in your relationship. Porn is fantasy and it's much better for him to be looking at porn that looking at real women in your life. In fact, you would be much better off sharing it together rather than trying to force him to change his behaviour.

Trying to change people is one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships. You can't change other people, you can only decide if you can accept them or not.

The best advise I can give you is that you have to decide if your bf is someone you can trust or not. If you truly believe that he is just someone who would cheat, then break it off. If you think that it is just your fear of him cheating, then you have to work on letting go of that fear and simply trust him.

It would also be a good idea to talk to him about your fears and let him know that this is a real issue with you.

-Mike

Bliss,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- Oh yes, you might find Reiki 1 very enjoyable and also perhaps challenging

>:-}}

- yes, internet porn and also the more traditional "mags" have, irregardless of how we look on it, become quite ingrained in our culture not the least of the reasons being all the money being made by those producing all the sexual material

- some will take the freedom of expression route or the boys-will-be-boys route - or the "curiosity" route in trying to justify looking at sexual material on the internet or wherever

- some will also say they do not have to justify what they do because there is nothing "illegal" about most of it

- and, there is also the "turn-around is fair play" school of thought (which I do not necessarily advocate as therapeutic for the longer term) which would suggest that you get yourself some "hunk" mags or surf some "hunk" sites designed for women to see what he says

>:-}}

- but, more seriously, there is also the matter of whether you want to build a long-term relationship with this guy

- that only you can decide for you

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Dear Bliss,
Id suggest counseling for yourself and go from there. Maybe couples counseling might help but sorting out what is going on with you might be the place to start. As for porn, men & women sometimes have very different opinions and experiences with porn. Men are very visual, the day they stop looking at women, in real life or in fantasy, is often the day they die.
The underlying issue of trust is worth exploring in counseling. Even if you & your BF decide to go your seperate ways, the trust issue is likely to pop up in another relationship at some point.
Your BF is not your father & shouldnt "pay" for your father's actions, nor should you suffer. However,a relationship without a groundwork of trust will always be rocky.

peace & joy,
holobon

Hi Bliss,

I can understand that this must be painful for you to address.

Jealousy often stems from feelings of low self esteem and self worth. If you were truly confident and happy in yourself then you probably would not feel so threatened by your boyfriend looking at porn. I would say that lots of men like to look at porn now and again without it being in any way a threat to the woman they love :)

Maybe some counselling would be helpful to you and some work on building up your confidence and self esteem. There are lots of good books out there. When we expose ourselves gradually to our worst fears, somehow they start to hold less power over us and we become free.

Gentle Blessings
Helen

Dear Bliss,

One way is to analyse and understand, another way is to accept and receive. In number of relationship issues while the first way is progressed, the second can also be progressed simultaneously to nurture the good in the relationship. So that by the time all thorns are removed, you still have a blossoming Flower of goodness, and its not wilted because of your major focus on removing the thorns.

I am going to send Reiki energy to you, so please accept and receive to help you keep the flower blossomed.

The divine healing energy reiki is requested to flow thru me to you to heal you completely in all the dimensions including genes and FRC, to help you resolve your relationship issues and its underlying causes of guilt, jealousy, trust, caring etc and to flow for your highest good for as long as it is needed.

Will you be upto reading a book? If yes, then I recommend "How to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie. It is a wonderful book written for us common folks and will help.

To engage your mind in healing yourself, you may like to try another wonderful and simple therapy of EFT. A free ebook is available at . Its simple to learn and apply.

We heal us ourselves.

Day by Day,Everyday,in Every whichway, we are getting Better and Better

May God be with you, heal you and Bless you.

love anand

I really empathise with you as i have been there myself and it is awful especially when you would like to overcome it, but it takes you over.

I have found that my jelousy was partly a lack of understanding of my own thoughts and desires and a projection of them onto others and partly a lack of self love and esteem.

My jelousy fortunately grew less with age. but the reiki topped it off and now i do not suffer at all. I beleive reiki would most defnitely help.

Love and Reiki, Roxy Lady xxX

your words are such good ones, firekeeper...bliss, forgive me for being the devils advocate....I've always felt different strokes for different folks....I love bodies...have all of my life....so, my honey & I enjoy the videos &/ magazines together....as a tool to rev us up...sorry, don't mean to gross you out. perhaps, if the focus was on what you have together and how it may be enhanced together...no harm done in experimenting, right?

Dear Ponderings,
Not to be wude just seems like a little too much intimate info.. blush, oh my. Sexually speaking. Not otherwise. I am modest I quess or old fashioned.
peace,
Prosperity

Dear Bliss,

Sounds like a bit of a values conflict to me. Certainly there is a self - esteem issue but the truth is that you need to choose a partner who shares a similar values system and clearly this fellow does not. He is only telling you what you want to hear to keep you from leaving him. Make a list of your values and base your decisions in life on those values and you will always stay true to yourself.
Reiki one will definitely be a good start to your self love program. My advice to you is get rid of the boyfriend and work on your self esteem. Ask the universe to send you the right information and support. Don't get involved with anyone for a least a year or two of self-healing and self- exploration. This is the only way I know of as a trained counselor that you can attract a different type of boyfriend. You must become whole. A book I highly reccomend for your personal empowerment is " The Secret".

Love & Light,
Whitelace

Please forgive me....didn't mean to give you too much information....ha, you sound just like my mama, and she's the very best! I promise that I'll behave myself from now on. You must certainly be yourself....thanks for putting up with me.