The Reiki Cafe 

Otoharo!

All of you. I did not know what to call this nor which board to post it on. It definitely is spirituality, and it defintely is a backward look, and it definitely is healing. About a week or ten days ago, when my partner was Reiki with me, my request was for information about why my throat does nor clear up, it stays clogged up. I did not tell her my request. Well, she got the answers in the form of showing her comparable things in her own life. She ended up passing on to me the assignment to make an outline of my life so that she can see where we have bled into each other's life.

I began this outine thinking it would take a couple of days. Well, the world has opened up in ways I never dreamed possible. I have chosen for this lifetime to be the end of physicality in this demension. That is my spiritual path. This outline has blossomed into ---Well, let me go ahead and summarize it later.

I wanted to be able to look up any particular year easily, not sift through narrative to find it. So I make headings for each year that tells me my age, the age of my parents (this is paramount), the age of my siblings, marriage, the age of my spouse, then births and subsequent ages of both siblings and offspring.

It is relatively easy to fill in vinyett(sp) of events of that year. The feelings are in the details so it is necessary to tell the details.

I finish that part, the heading. I am now filling in the vinyets. I am down to year 68. I work eight to ten hours a day on it while still cleaning and settling in and keeping my garden. I never stop.

OK. This is what is happening. When I lived my life, I did not know what i felt. Not until I was 30 years old. Now as I tell this story, I remember what I felt. So the story became two stories, the me who did not know feelings and the me who does know feelings. I never thought I hated anyone. I find out I hated a lot of people. When I decribed this hate, my jaw tightens up and my throat feels chords tightening. Related to throat, ? eh?

Where there used to be a fuzzy kind of environment with my memories, nor the environment is clear as a bell. It just goes on and on. Every time I tell someone, mainly my partner, a whole new awareness opens up. It is as though I am living in a different universe while remembering what was in another universe. I carry on two conversations at once!

I said it was important to know people's ages. It is remarkable to see the age of my parent when I tell how they impacted me, then see how I impacted my child at that same age. Or remember how I was in the twenties, etc. It is important to tell what I thought more than what I said, as I am telling it.

My aim is to have no contamination in my throat so I can sing when I am a hundred or hundreds of years old. My aim is to have no contamination in this body.

Can you relate to this? Have you done this assignment? I would like feedback if so. Or any feelback.

finality

Hi finality

Yes I can relate to your experience. About 16yrs ago I had a mental breakdown brought on, so I thought, by the nature of my job in the police which was then psychological de-briefing officers following trauma. My hypnotherapist advised that before he conducted a full hypnoanalysis I perform a soul search of all the events in my life that had truly upset me, to write them down, and to lay emphasis on my feelings at the time. He said the more I wrote the better. (What he really meant but didn't let on was - the more I wrote the more effective the healing) The first 'event' came immediately to mind involving my Father and myself when I was about 10yrs. The more i wrote about my feelings towards him at that time, which were never expressed, the angrier I became, until it all ended in tears. Note:- For all those 'young people' reading this you might like to know that children in my era (1940 -50's) were never to question or argue with their parents. Unlike today when i believe that children perhaps are allowed too much 'back chat' and not enough dicipline. However to continue. The more i wrote the more the different memories came flooding back. I couldn't write fast enough. Pages and pages of the stuff. It was a great purging excercise of 'unfinished business' All the long forgotten hates, fears, insecurities and guilts came to my mind and as i was focusing on feelings this was the key releasing the inner tensions. In hindsight i now consider this the most effective healing process i have ever experienced. The hypnoanalysis was a great success bringing out a repressed traumatic memory when i was 4yrs concerning my Dad and me. The true reason for my breakdown was that i had never been able to truly grieve for the death of my Dad 3yrs earlier because of repressed anger and feelings of injustice going back to another incident when i was 4yrs yet again involving my Father. In his defence he too was a 'victim' of his generation. The sins of the fathers ........etc.

Light and Wisdom

geoff

Splendid, geoff. I went through that kind of healing that you refer to when in therapy in the 50's. I could not get to my killing rage even though it would rear its head as I felt the hairs along my backbone rise. Now I see what this whole thing for me is about. And not only that, but see how the retrieval I have told about also fits in. This certainly provides a platform for bringing up repressed material so we can handle it with our eyes open and now that we can handle it.

Since writing yesterday, I have progressed in my insights to recognise this. If I give names to the parts of me as I go along, it becomes a drama where the action takes place on a stage while the others of me look on and these take over the action at anytime. I am watching a dramatization that does indeed lie in two (or perhaps more) different universes superimposed on one another. All these therpeutic things I am involved in become one on this stage. Fantastic! Shakespere, move over!

If it interests you, perhaps you will join me and again begin to write your life (since the rough edges have been hund away) and see what you discover. I would be pleased to see it. You are probably about the age of one of my offspring. We can have a generational look at it also. And from a spiritual path angle.

finality

Hi again finality

Your suggestion sounds very attractive and as i think about it I feel 'the butterflies' inside which I cannot identify - is it fear or excitement? I just need to check something out my friend. At what memory age did you start? Does each year of your recalled life iclude everything you remember or selected events? For example I see myself say, starting at 5yrs. That seems to be about the start of my memories. I see myself jotting down at random all memories that instantly come to mind for the year I'm dealing with then filling in the gaps with more focus. is this the method you are using? PS I'm 57yrs.

Light and Wisdom

geoff

Geoff, Actually, I started with my parents wedding, as on my trip to Texas this winter, My sibs and I shared photographs so that I brought home with me some shots I had not seen before. This included Mother sitting in a swing with some of her wedding party and my father standing behind with appears to be the rest. It is faint but clear enough for me. As the story, of course, I use information told to me. What struck me like a ton of bricks is that Mother graduated in the last of May and I know she turned 18 in mid May, and here she is on her wedding day June 2nd. I never had put those facts together before. That got my juicies going good!

Likewise, my first few years, through pictures of me and what others have told me I get at least a dim beginning of the story. Contrasted with that are realizations of how young these folks were, after all when I came in to their story. It sure helps me get perspective. We grow up feeling they are God, all wise, all good, all knowing, then hate them when they are not. At least, I'm speaking for myself.

My actual memory begins quite early, snatches as infant, loaded events at two.

finality
ps I was a year off.

sounds like a beautiful way to finding out who you are.

i have, off and on, kept journals. recently i found my journals from 1997 and 1996, not that long ago, admittedly, but seems like a lifetime ago.

re-reading these became not only a trip to my own past but a reconnection with that part of me which seemed to have been left behind. in the past few years, i had abandoned my writing and abandoned a part of myself. it has taken this time of healing, and reiki, and growth to bring me back.
i have started a new journal and am returning to my love of illustration and writing. i see how far i have come in the last few years and how i am still very much the same. it helps me to re-connect with that part of me that may have been overlooked.
p.s. my landlord has just given me full use of the garden behind our building which is an overgrown tangle of weeds. any gardening tips would be very welcome.
namaste,
skywatcher crow.

Dear Geoff,

You are brave to share this. Two members of my family had mental breakdowns & although 30 or more years has passed, I still am very foggy on what really happenned due to the silence that is maintained. The ironic thing is that from what I know, silence was the cause of their breakdowns...the need to express a heart or soul pain was denied them, wether it was due to their beliefs/fears or that of others. Yet, the need to maintain silence & not rock the boat is so ingrained in my family persona that even now it is a subject to be avoided in my family. Not talking about it & locking it away for years resulted in a denial of feelings, thoughts & opportunities and stunted the lives of two people whom I love. Being the child of one of them, I have immense respect for those who can get beyond this. It does not matter what happenned, even if it wasnt on a grand scale, the damage can still be great...it is how we feel about it & react to it that matters. Writing our stories can bring release.
You do a great service in your sharing.
Namaste.

peace & joy,
holobon

skywatcher,

Your responses are always a joy. Journaling helps in finding out who you that lives in this body is, yes. However, the long journey, is not found in that manner, in my experience. Who you REALLY are is other than that.

As to gardening, my! Since I grew up on a farm, I can count on my self in tackling a beginning of a garden. It is a good time to establish communication with the garden devas there. They give you constant and immediate suggestions that exceed what I could give.

However, you may E-Mail me particular questions and I will reply as well as I can.

finality

Hi Holobon, and to others who may have been interested to.

Thanks Holobon for your Spiritualy encouraging message. Sometimes it does bring back some pain talking about 'IT'; specialy as during the period prior to the breakdown I was abusing alcohol and caused great worry to my wife Anne who had already experienced this 'curse' in her family as a child. I know worrying about the past is futile but if only I could turn back the clock. I now see my present as my future which in turn will one day be my past. Perhaps in many years to come I will be able to truly say that 'my current past' was the best I could give as a result of my experiencial learning. Thanks again for your openness.

Light and Wisdom

geoff

namaste,
in these past few days of pulling up weeds and working around the various unmarked (i wish someone had told me about this beforehand) graves of cats long dead, i am dedicating my gardening to those who have lived and died there before me. i am going to perform a dedication ritual and give reiki to this garden and everything in it (yes, even those icky slugs).
the downstairs neighbor's various cats (at last count about 12) curiously watch me and run around chasing each other as i pull up weeds, till the soil and plant sage and lavender. they are a joy to have around and i intend to plant some catnip and catgrass for them.
i had forgotten how much i love the smell of soil. i practically spent my entire childhood in the back yard, planting, watching flowers grow and playing in the dirt. it is a part of me which i had all but forgotten. i am grateful to have that back.
skywatcher crow.

I can relate to that.

finality

Dear Finality,

I just read this today and what an impact it has had on me! I am just beginning to see a psychologist because I have unresolved "issues" in my past that will not stop affecting me, as I hoped ignoring them would. So. . . I guess it is time to deal with things. But your post has inspired me. I need to do what you did. I need to write it down, and I especially like the idea of including the ages of family members. This is wonderful. Thank you!

Blessings
Kathryn

finality said on 6/17/2003 11:03 PM

>Otoharo!
>
>All of you. I did not know what to call this nor which board to post it on. It definitely is spirituality, and it defintely is a backward look, and it definitely is healing. About a week or ten days ago, when my partner was Reiki with me, my request was for information about why my throat does nor clear up, it stays clogged up. I did not tell her my request. Well, she got the answers in the form of showing her comparable things in her own life. She ended up passing on to me the assignment to make an outline of my life so that she can see where we have bled into each other's life.
>
>I began this outine thinking it would take a couple of days. Well, the world has opened up in ways I never dreamed possible. I have chosen for this lifetime to be the end of physicality in this demension. That is my spiritual path. This outline has blossomed into ---Well, let me go ahead and summarize it later.
>
>I wanted to be able to look up any particular year easily, not sift through narrative to find it. So I make headings for each year that tells me my age, the age of my parents (this is paramount), the age of my siblings, marriage, the age of my spouse, then births and subsequent ages of both siblings and offspring.
>
>It is relatively easy to fill in vinyett(sp) of events of that year. The feelings are in the details so it is necessary to tell the details.
>
>I finish that part, the heading. I am now filling in the vinyets. I am down to year 68. I work eight to ten hours a day on it while still cleaning and settling in and keeping my garden. I never stop.
>
>OK. This is what is happening. When I lived my life, I did not know what i felt. Not until I was 30 years old. Now as I tell this story, I remember what I felt. So the story became two stories, the me who did not know feelings and the me who does know feelings. I never thought I hated anyone. I find out I hated a lot of people. When I decribed this hate, my jaw tightens up and my throat feels chords tightening. Related to throat, ? eh?
>
>Where there used to be a fuzzy kind of environment with my memories, nor the environment is clear as a bell. It just goes on and on. Every time I tell someone, mainly my partner, a whole new awareness opens up. It is as though I am living in a different universe while remembering what was in another universe. I carry on two conversations at once!
>
>I said it was important to know people's ages. It is remarkable to see the age of my parent when I tell how they impacted me, then see how I impacted my child at that same age. Or remember how I was in the twenties, etc. It is important to tell what I thought more than what I said, as I am telling it.
>
>My aim is to have no contamination in my throat so I can sing when I am a hundred or hundreds of years old. My aim is to have no contamination in this body.
>
>Can you relate to this? Have you done this assignment? I would like feedback if so. Or any feelback.
>
>finality
>
>
>
>

Dearest geoff,

I know you might find this hokey..........
but
but
I hold you in my heart.............surrounded with light and love.

Blessings
Teresa

A Million thank you's my very good friend.

Light and Wisdom

geoff

Geoff, hi, namaste .... :>}

Just a couple of thoughts ... may sound trite, but heartfelt and meant to help ....

"Today is the FIRST day of the rest of your life".

Each of us is totally individual and beautiful as such, and should strive to reach our individual full potential.

The Reiki principals (I`m sorry, I know this is NOT the Reiki board, but I truly think it is relevant) might be of help, ....

Reiki sent to a past situation can help to heal, and allow you to let go and move on to today.

I wish you joy, love and a chance to heal,

love and light,
philanty