WHO AM I ?
Don’t judge me on first impressions. Don’t form opinions on what you see.
I have many faces and layers, covering the true heart of me.
I smile when I am unhappy. I laugh while inside fall the tears.
There is a brave mask I pull on, when beneath it I tremble with fear.
I look busy and manic and active, with my body just aching for sleep.
And yes, I dress in contentment, while inside my heart gently weeps.
Sometimes I appear to be peaceful, while within me a storm starts to rage
If you think I am nice just be careful, of what’s lurking behind a locked cage.
I will make jokes about things that matter, while my heart just aches to speak out,
And though I might seem bold and assured, inside I am riddled with doubt.
I make fun of myself in good humour, because I’m scared what another might see;
There are failings and faults all around – let me be the first to point fingers at me.
When I’m loud it is because I’m longing, for some quietness to draw me in.
When I speak too much or too quickly, my resolve has worn a bit thin.
If you peel away layer upon layer, and search for the heart that’s inside,
if you slowly take time to go deeper, you’ll find a sincere source of pride.
For beneath all the acting and nonsense, under the faces, facades and the lies,
Is a real person who longs to be loved, to be seen, to be heard, recognized.
There is a soul that is holding the wisdom, and the knowledge of all that is real,
There is love and light and compassion, there is truth in these things I feel.
I would love to just be myself, but I’ve hidden so long I’ve forgot,
Which layer represents who I am, and whether it is me, or is not.
I sometimes don the clothes of a sinner, when too afraid of the robes of the saint,
Then the whore and the hippy and gypsy mix the colours that I myself paint.
I play at the hero and the housewife, I’m the hypocrite, and philosopher too,
These are some of the many guises, that I wear when I stand before you.
I spend time soul-searching as a woman, finding joy as a mother, and child
Yet can still revel in the crone’s wisdom, or be the pagan untamed and wild.
I celebrate my role as the nurturer, echoing the calling of true mother earth,
Being the lover is my greatest moment, as my heart reflects my own self worth.
I am the victim, warrior, artist, seeker of spiritual freedom and wealth
But nowhere is the play acting stronger than when I try to examine myself.
But please, don’t let this all fool you. Don’t let this enigma drive you away.
If you take the time to look deeply, such faith will be rewarded both ways.
I will cry if you hurt or reject me. If you cut me, I surely will bleed.
For inside me is a place full of feelings, of questions, of longings, of need.
And I am no different to you. You must know in your depths, how I feel.
I seek the oneness of home and belonging. My humanness is all that is real.
Such mystery might fool myself and others, but reality is at home in my soul;
Beneath the surface compassion lies waiting, in the me that is perfect and whole.
Wendy S.
