The Reiki Cafe 

I'm working with a group of ladies, and one of them subtly to be sure, is constantly putting me down. I figure she doesn't relise she is doing this or that there is no malice. But I feel she is undercutting what I say, and I feel like an inch tall. I've also reason to belive that she talks behind my back. Scratche the malice (above) I think she's a bitch. I'm on edge, watching what I say, doubting myself. I should know better. This is probably just delusions and paronia on my part. I get depressed.I want to jack my job, but don't have the guts. I've nothing else to back me up. Next week I'm going to ask my supervisor to transfer me onto another line in another room perhaps.
I feel like crap. Any ideas?

Otoharo!

Back in the days I worked, I was in a situation as you described. I was there several years, long enough to catch on to the underlying course of energy and then understood. Jealousy, even envy were there. I raised standards wihtout doing so directly and unwittingly. He did not want standards raised and I learned taht it was (this was a state level job) the state board of trustees wanted to hire only lifetime residents of the state. I was an out-of-stater. They did not have in-staters with the credentials I had. And to add pressure, the state was being sued and had to meet the same standards that I raised. What a mess when personality matters encroach upon professional matters.

finality

Dear Jaguar,
Get a healing.
love anand

Hi Jaguar,

She probably has a low self esteem and makes herself feel better by putting others down, but that doesn't make it acceptable.

Next time she does it you could try either making a joke of it or alernatively you could take her to one side and confront her about it. Ultimately you cannot change her behaviour, but you can change your reaction to it which may in turn indirectly change the way she behaves towards you anyway.

Gentle Blessings
Helen

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Dear Jaquar,
Once I realized that another's behaviour is more about "them" than me, it took much of the sting out of this sort of behaviour. But I understand your distress. The more you think about it however, the more power you give to someone else and the worse you feel. People act differently in a group than on their own, unfortunately often sinking to the lowest denominator rather than soaring to the highest. So, rise to the challenge & let her bring the best out in you! One way to respond is to ignore it & just be the best employee you can be. Smile & be polite. Do the best work you can. As soon as you realize that you are thinking about her talking about you, etc. STOP that thought & replace it with a positive one, not focused on her. If you feel you must respond to jabs,think of some responses ahead of time that will allow you to assert yourself without being confrontational. ( I tape little motivational phrases or quotes or cartoons where I can look at them during work or on my break to remind me of positive thoughts rather than negative). In other words, keep your head high & let her know you wont go slinking off into a corner. Hang in there, women who make life difficult for us in the workplace likely have done it before to others & there is often someone else in the office who understands what is happening. Kill em with kindness & who do you think looks like the jerk? As for talking behind your back, that is the way it is when you work with a group of women. Accept it because ya aint gonna stop it! Eventually another subject for gossip will come along.
peace & joy,
holobon

Hi, It sounds as if you are really fed up! Everything everyone has said is brilliant, try some healing, for you for her( if she will accept it ) for the situation, send some Reiki ahead of you before you go to work. I also think befriending her is a brilliant idea, ask her for a cup of coffee, a drink, to meet your kids.....then if you feel it is right get to know her a bit. I also suspect she has issues with self esteem/jealousy, maybe if you get to know her you can help her for she seems in need of help. meantime do something good to give yourself a lift, mix with people who make you feel good, and buy a paper, perhaps this is apush to look for another job, and something better may be out there with your name on it!
Annie

jaguar,

Hi,

I would say that most of the time we bring our self-doubts with us and that is the place to start. Remember too, that if someone constantly put others down (subtly or not) that is often a sign of their own insecurities. And, it is also the case that the insecure may seek to 'pick on' those they perceive as more vulnerable than they are. If a transfer helps? Go for it. But I doubt it will touch the more basic issues. Otherwise, if she is not your supervisor or of other 'higher rank' there at work, you can always suggest she stuff it. In the mean time? Lots of Reiki may be helpful.

:)

Cheers,

RC

Ultimately you cannot change her behaviour, but you can change your reaction to it which may in turn indirectly change the way she behaves towards you anyway.
>
>I agree with Helen. Trying to change someones elses behaviour (especially by wishing it would go away) is an impossible task and will make you frustrated and unhappy. Try to get some healing and concentrate on keeping yourself protected. How are the others? I bet they all feel the same way. I once worked in a job as a trainee manager in a big company and was an "out of towner" working with another trainee from "in house". She gave me so much grief in a very clever way, so that the management didnt see any of it that I left the job. I felt it wasnt worth the misery. In a way I regret it because I didnt deal with the situation. However, it was the right decision for me at the time.
Good luck and dont take her negativity on board.
Love and light
Ally
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least said soonest mended. I've been keeping my head down, listening, and being polite, smiling and all the good things everyone has said to do, except to get a healing that is. No, I don't have kids but if I did I'd need a very positive state of mind to bring her along for a party.
All your positivity must have helped in some way because the situation at work may not have changed but I feel my attitude has. She said something the other day and I don't know what she meant, whether as a joke or putting me down or what, but I didn't get it and although I didn't ignore her, Her comment didn't get any reaction from me or anyone else. It kind of went flat.
My negativity being what it is, I something do things that feel right at the time, but I get confused by the way I act sometimes. I was scheduled for a healing with my shaman friend which I canceled because If I went through with it I feel like I'd be just doing so just as a matter of form.
Thanks for your comments and generosity of spirt,
It helps

Well, things have settled down some. I either am not so sensitive, or the ladies are being nice to me. Plus the fact that a few new lads have started work at the mo on the same line, so the pressure is off.
Thanks for your kind wishes.,

jaguar,

Hi,

Yes, sometimes keeping one's mouth shut is a compassionate policy. Yet, even a door mat might benefit by asking (if it were able to speak) for folks to take off their golf shoes before entering. ;) I am glad that the sailing seems a bit smoother.

Cheers,

RC