The Reiki Cafe 

Namaste all,
and ... whoops! I haven't been on to my computer for almost three weeks now and when I glance through the latest posts I see that a lot have happened during this big holiday season.

- I raise my glass in honour of Priestess Louise. May her journey onwards be a splendid one. Big loss for us who remain here on earth though.

- Seems like many of us become more tense than usual as Christmas comes close.

It makes me think. What is it with just Christmas that makes peoples' feelings so stirred up? Has anyone heard of the same stressed feelings and/or crises by Easter? Or Whitsun? Or whatever else holiday there is.

For myself I can say to this past holiday: good riddance. It's good that it's a full year till next time. This time was better than usual though. Still. All this planning and hard work with preparations, etc. You know. And all the people! I said to my daughter that I know what's wrong with Christmas. It's the people. Everyone shall be a big happy family and everone shall meet with everyone. All smiles and happiness.
In reality? "I can't have that person at my X-mas party. It would spoil the whole X-mas for me!" "I won't celebrate X-mas this year because I won't be seeing my kids, theyr'e with their mother this year, so I will not have any decorations and no gifts, thank you." "X-mas is useless since she's not with me this year."
Yes, I've heard all of the above within my family this year. As well as last year (with minor adjustments of people).
I made a big mistake. Without thinking I said ok to my father's (85 yrs old) question whether he could bring his woman friend (84 yrs) to my daughter's party on Christmas Eve. Shouldn't have done that. Hell broke loose (see the first example). Took days to console my daughter (34 yrs old), involving a lot of apologising and kneeling. Phew! It turned out the old lady-dragon didn't come after all. Made excuses and talked about a wounded knee or similar.

Why do we behave like this? Are we so sold to the idyllic PR picture of Christmas that we can't handle it when our own picture doesn't resemble it? Is there so much guilt around? Guilt for not being perfect while everyone else is.

Next Chistmas will be spent in a cabin i the far snowy north. With closest family member or without. I'm tired of family life during Christmas.
It's good to be back to the normal, struggling, honest life again!

Love and Light
Brit

Hi Brit
Christmas is the season of goodwill (LOL).
But Goodwill is not just for Christmas
it's for all the time.

The pressure put on us by advertising and to a certain extent ourselves, to be happy and jolly and full of love for your fellow Man/Woman, can be overwelming.
What starts with good intention, can be ruined by others ego's getting in the way. That causes tensions. Tensions cause arguments.
So just where is this cabin?? (LOL) are there a few of them??

Bright Blessings

Rob

Your post made me laugh, and also it made me feel like I totally can relate to your feelings. For 15 of my daughters 18 years, we travelled 8 hours to be with family during Christmas. It was pack her up and her "santa" stuff, run here, run there, keep everybody happy. Not anymore. Now we are tired. The past few years we have stayed home just the 3 of us on Christmas and Boxing Day, and we love it. Always, an invitation is extended to both families, and always, there is a no show.

We still see our families between the end of Nov and Christmas, but Christmas day is now heaven for the 3 of us.
I agree it is a tough time for everyone and a lot of pressure. Some people just need to kick back, enjoy life more, and "Don't sweat the small stuff" Will it really matter next Christmas what just happened this Christmas?
:-)
always
amazed-by-reiki

Hi, Brit,
So glad you brought this up. We don't even have the family crud to deal with...no hard feelings anywhere,but still I have such a hard time in December. Every year, I think I am spiritually wiser and will deal better. Every year, I think up more efficient ways to deal with the whirlwind. But I still get depressed, anxious, and crabby! The Winter Solstice celebration we attended was the one beautiful and healing place in the month. What does that say? For me, as a Catholic, I kept seeing untruths in so much of what I heard and saw. You see, Christmas took over Yule, which was a celebration of nature. Maybe for me, getting back to the pagan roots is more truthful . Maybe I see a web of pretty deceptions around all the Christian stuff. Spiritually, I guess it just isn't there for me anymore. I KNOW that the " spirit of Christmas" is there all year....and to feel forced to express joy and love all the time makes me feel like being forced to engage in any number of activities which are in and of themselves wonderful, but lose their beauty when forced. Funny, I just realized that many of my most dear friends go under cover in December and emerge in January or February. No card, no call, no gift. We gift each other the entire year....

That being said, our nuclear family stayed home for the first time this year and it was GRAND! We ate breakfast at 1:30 pm, dinner at 6 and went to the movies. We enjoyed being together without rushing. If we have to go crazy to stop the world for one day to be with our families, maybe it is worth it . But I am striving within myself to find a way to not be Scrooge until December 25. That is usually when I finally relax and enjoy!

Any ideas?
Love,
Feather

Perhaps it is just the ending of a year and not so much Christmas, Thanksgiving or any particular celebration.
One thing about being dialed in to Reiki is it makes one want to simplify so much in life. In this simplicity we find peace, gratitudes and awe in everyday things some others might take for granted. We cannot expect others to feel and think the same way we do but can only lead by our example.
It has taken at least 3 years for others to see and know by my actions what brings joy to me and I have encouraged them to seek and find the same joys in their own ways. This year they got it.
This year my dil offered and I accepted her taking over the role of orchestrating each holiday/birthday event in our family as I chose not to do this anymore. Everyone is now cooking and baking and everyone brings something to the table at whomever's home the celebration is in. They are learning responsibility and gratitude and how to share more of themselves.
Some relatives come and some don't and that is okay.
We had a few that were very good at being surly and judgmental at certain celebrations and they found out down the road they were not invited. Very long story here but I hope you all get my drift so far.

Whatever or wherever we celebrate it is good to keep things simple.
Let others help.
One thoughtfully chosen gift can say more than 15, quality rather quanity. Avoid frequent trips to the stores to not get caught up in the advertising and gee-gaws to promote spending.
Don't expect too much of ourselves or others.
Honor any obligations/traditions lovingly but do not put any unnecessary stuff out there.

My motto for this new year is "Out the door in 04."
I am continuing to simplify and toss out what is not needed or used around here. This includes stressers, negative emotions if they come up, anything really. Just simplify, get organized and then I will have more time to just be and do what I consider important to me.

Donna

Hear, hear!

"Out the door in 04"

Your motto inspires me. :)

Although I also notice that co-ink-identally it's an election year in Canada, the US and the UK... LOL!

Lunarreikin

Hi Brit,

thanks for the post-Stressmas catharsis!

I've begun to separate the two -- there's Christmas, which is a festival of love and spirit, and Stressmas, which is what capitalism and mass media have done to the holiday. This year I had a little of both, but am working on my own version of a cabin in the woods for next year.

Part of the reason Stressmas is so tough on others, is that it imposes unnatural limits on lives for about two weeks during the season -- other holidays are much briefer, less intensive. The truth is, most people have no idea what to do if they can't either work, or consume -- which is what happens over the holidays when workplaces and stores are closed! And given the deterioration of institutions like education, church and the family, who is the main transmitter of "family values"? The media -- which keeps portraying nostalgia about what family is, that has little or no relation to what families have become in the 21st century.

This year at my parents' gathering, there was the usual "let's pretend" fakery, but less of it -- perhaps due to less time spent in that toxic (for me, anyway) environment. What made my __Christmas__, however, was having a friend from out of town and her daughter stay here for Christmas week, her daughter just for a couple of days until a handoff to the father, then the rest of the week with us -- it's her first year without her daughter at this time, and my first year where I am finally beginning to spend more time with my heart's family.

That's where my cabin is, and whether I make it to the actual woods or not, I'll be making it happen somewhere. :)

To quote Donna -- "Out the Door in 04"!

cheers,
Lunarreikin

I've thoroughly enjoyed this thread.

In my world I strive (not always successfully) to minimize holiday stress by engaging only in activities I enjoy and find personally meaningful. This definitely includes not dealing with family members who have no manners and/or bad tempers.

Opting out of the commercialized bs is hard, but worthwhile. I think the unrealistic expectations/models with which we're bombarded by $&%^@$#! Madison Avenue can only lead to disappointment. And then there is, as previously mentioned, the "have to" attitude. Grrrrr.

This year my partner and I sent out "Greedfest" cards: page 1 is a bug-eyed Santa choking an elf and kicking Rudolph someplace tender. Page 2 is him surrounded by doll parts, a smashed box, and other debris with elves crawling away; he's shrugging, smiling sheepishly, and saying "HO-HO-HOLIDAY STRESS!" Page 3 wishes the recipient a "fat, dumb, happy Greedfest."

Winter is hard enough for me (I Hate the cold and dark!) without buying into any more garbage than I can help. My friends and I celebrated the return of the light on the longest night of the year, and it was lovely.

Salutations to all who have found meaningful celebration of whatever kind!

Bright blessings; hail Eris!

goldenisis

Otoharo!

I applaud.

finality

Otoharo!

Because of my change in lifestyle in 92, I spent Christmas alone and loved every moment. My days were rich with music, and since I was snowed in and unable to go anywhere, I ate what I canned or froze. A simple life.

finality

finality,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- chop wood, melt snow\ice??

>:-}}

Reiki all around,

all blesisngs,

Firekeeper

lunarreikin,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- only two weeks of the year??

- what about them that frantically start stripping the stores of all the bargain wrapping paper and other trappings for weeks into the new year?

- or them that shop various sales year round for the next Xmas??

- no, it seems the grasp-demons (and merchants) have got a good many Xmas observers by the proverbial bulbs

bagl, bagl

- reiki all around

- all blessings,

Firekeeper

Dear Friends,

What an enjoyable thread! So good to know that I'm not alone in my holiday stress. A cabin in the woods sounds too delightful for words and something I suggested to hubby just this holiday season. His eyes sparkled at the suggestion, although I don't think it will become a reality until the little ones are grown.

For myself, I love Christmas...but it's losing it's lustre and sparkle. Reiki does indeed bring out a love of the simple things in life and I so wish we could replace the mountains of discarded wrapping paper (and bills) with something more meaningful. Of course, I received all manner of grumbles and odd looks when I suggested to my extended family and friends that we consider an alternative to the commercialism of Christmas and, in it's place, donate some time and money to those less fortunate.

Another year over and a new one just begun...

Namaste,
Lesley

LOL Firekeeper!

I had a long post all set to go on this thread yesterday and I hit the wrong button and lost it to cyberspace. I assume I wasn't meant to send it. So I won't even try to retype it.

I do agree with much that's been said, and I have simplified my own holiday preparations and such. I wish I could do so even more. I've found that my children, who grew up with these complex, highly decorated and shopped-for Christmases, even though they are now grown, seem to expect "the Christmas fairy--me" to keep it all coming. It is time for me to step back, reduce, simplify and make my holidays what I want them to be. If they want them to be more, then they can make them so in their own homes, and invite me--or not. I'm still the only one who cooks the family dinners and they are always at my home, with no one bringing anything or helping me.

Namaste,
Lionheart

Dear Lionheart,
A few days before Christmas, I hung up a sheet of paper on the microwave. It asked for suggestions on menu for Christmas Eve, Morning, and Christmas Dinner. That was a first step. Then, I announced that I was not cooking Christmas Eve dinner, and that the boys and their father were in charge. I would be available for mentorship if needed. We had a delicious barbequed chicken pizza and salad with balsamic vinagrette. I did supervise the rising and yeast business, since nobody had a clue about that, but left as soon as I could. Two males got cookbooks for Christmas, too! I broke my husband's heart by not making his favorite dish that night (which takes 5 or 6 hours to do). I told him I would make it another weekend when I had the time. So, I feel like that is a beginning.

I am sure that there are things inside of me I must let go of , too. At work, I gave the whole department the gift of buying a sheep for a poor family. Two or three of 25 bothered to say "thank you." But they were sincere. I did feel a little bit like I was not up to snuff when all the stuff in bags came to me (half of which I will give or throw away because of the TOXINS in it!) But, they will get used to my new ways...and maybe will benefit in some way?

So now the new year is here. I love the "out the door in '04!" Weeeeeeeee. Slow and steady we progress!
Happy New Year!
Love,
Feather

goldenisis, I love your Greedfest cards!

Friends sent us an "Anarchristmas" JPG manifesto, protesting the greed and asking for a return to simple things, if it had to be 'things' at all.

I think that opting out of the money-fuelled advertising behemoth is tough, when we stay in our homes -- it's easier when away, in a cabin, or on a beach -- but celebrations such as your Solstice are ways to keep grounded and simple. Here's to meaning and Light! :)

Namaste,

Lunarreikin

Ah, firekeeper, I was referring mainly to the closing of workplaces and stores, when the intensity rages at its highest. I hadn't yet gotten to outline all the mechanisms of the conspiracy -- but you did an excellent job reminding us that the Xmas-mongers are among us for much longer than that, 'seeding' the madness!! LOL!

Namaste,

Lunarreikin

Hello friends,

Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings I enjoyed all the posts in this thread.

My husband and I spent our 2nd Christmas on our own mainly because we live a few thousand miles from our family. But, like many have said we don't like the Christmas 'package' so to speak. I've been slowly getting out of sending cards for the past few years. You know the way it is - you send one because they sent one, they sent one because you sent on. Before you know it your next door neighbour is sending you a card and the card manufacturers rub their hands together in glee.

When I was living in the UK I'd knock on my neighbours doors and give them my good wishes personally. You should have seen the look of surprise on their faces, "This isn't what we normally do" I could see them thinking. Well let’s break through the 'norm' that's what I say.

Every day is a celebration, and once you've savoured that festival of life it's difficult to hold it down to a few days called 'Christmas'. It gets harder to play the games - 'This is what we do' type games.

Christmas Eve I was at our local Falcon hospital and Christmas Day we saw Lord Of The Rings followed by swimming, it was completely stress free!

Thanks everyone,
maat

Otoharo!

maat, your post is an inspiration. Also your profile. Thanks for honoring us with your presence.

finality

Hi Everyone

I became Taoist two Christmasses ago now, and decided this year to only 'do' the bits of Xmas I liked. This included buying gifts for my close family and helping out cooking lunch on Christmas day. The rest of it I thought was a state of mind, and ignored it as best I could - I only had to leave a shop once because the cheesy carols were deafening!

I wonder from your posts though if we could be a bit more pro-active next year! I had to explain to people that I dont celebrate Christmas, and stop myself from kicking the ones that said "Bah Humbug" (sooooo bloody original and soooo inaccurate) but its hard to explain our attitudes to this to people that write cards without thinking about it every year.

I know that the time of year is celebrated - solstice and things, and yule traditions, but this isnt me (or most of you) either. Can anyone suggest an alternative to Christmas that we could say we're celebrating? We fill the vacuum then and can make up the rules about it as we go along.

For some this could mean family get togethers, for others solitude and reflection. I feel it would be accepted more if it had a name and a reason.

For me just getting to the end of another year is something to celebrate, but you cant get cards that say "phew, made it" yet - if there was enough of us alternative christmassers we might not have to apologise next year...

Sal
xxx

Otoharo!

Sal, This is a stupendous idea. I have shared how those of us working in Inner Peace Movement recreated xmas for ourselves during the 70'. Since I made the break that many years ago, I have felt free to add and subtract events as I desired from year to year.

The main event is winter solstice. This highlights the ending of a season and the beginning of the next. And the big shift will occur at the moment of this solstice when it happens. We will obviously be celebrating that for many years afterwards.

Once we get the notion that it is all a game we play, and we are the ones making the rules, we can do as we wish as you pointed out. However, there is nothing to do about those who jeer. I found that one of my offspring was deeply hurt when i asked them all to call me by name rather than mother, or mom, etc. He continued to be affended by my non-chalant attitude about xmas. (I was a reader of Urantia and knew that Christ was born in August. so that changed the flavor)

Among my extended family are several who write a summary of their family's happenings the past year. I truly treasure these sharings. I want to stay on their mailing list.

The first break with tradition is the hardest. I find greeting cards that reflect my thoughts. This year i used some general blank cards I found at a health food store with a magnificent view of the land I live in (which is different from all my family). Some years I have not sent cards at all. You are right, no one expects an apology from me. One year I made cards using my daughter's art work. One year I sent words and music to a song, "Friendship". This year I recorded recent written instrumental music, sending only the one of waltzes to all my extended family and recent reiki students. More to my offspring. (I hate to call middle aged people children). I list all these because they are examples of how varied we can be and still be celebrating the same event. I've had some funky cards sent to me from former students that I cherish. I love receiving snapshots of families with children as they grow so fast.

finality

Another thing occured to me. AS one gets older, one has seen the changes in a yearly event as they happen. When white christmas was out that song lasted many years to draw most people together. Then Santa Claus is coming to town. Frosty the Snowman, etc. Music has a draw for groups, and cultures. If you are good at this, you could create an event that will draw all within your circle, and if you can get it widely publicized it will rock all of society. That is why I say that we will be celebratinbg the big shift for many years to come. This will overshadow christmas.

finality

Sal,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- I might suggest that for non-christians there is no vacuum because they do not observe Christmas

>:-}}

- it seems tome, at least, that if one wants something to "replace" christmas then perhaps one has not yet let it go (let go of Christ-attachment)

- but, if it is just about the gifts and presents??

- then giving can be any day of the year

>:-}}

- however, there is nothing wrong with observing the important holidays or festivals of different cultures and traditions

>;-}}

- just takes a bit of research

>:-}}

reiki all around,

all blessings,

Firekeeper

Hello, Firekeeper,
I don't think letting go of the Christmas thing is at all synonymous with letting go of "Christ-attachment". He, being a bit of a renegade himself, probably would head for the desert in December! In fact, I see letting go of the "Christmas thing" as becoming more conscious of true Christ mind . Letting go of Christmas would be more letting go of embellishments and limitations placed on that consciousness (oh, how DO you spell that word!)
For the brew!
Love,
Feather

Otoharo!

Feather, You voice how it is for me, too. And I also see Firekeepers point of view.

finality