The Reiki Cafe 

Hello,
Can someone please give me some guidance or insight. Why is it that people around me alway break my trust or betray me? I told my bestfriend something that was not supposed to have been said to anyone, and then she went and told the two people she wasn't supposed to. She doesn't know that I know she told them. One of my friends that was there when she was telling them called my number on their cell phone and didn't say anything,(I said hello a few times then hung up and he called again. Did he want me to hear her betraying me?), but I could hear the conversation they were having. Thats how I found out she told them. I'm upset that she betrayed my trust and said something she said she wouldn't. I am also upset with myself for trying to trust someone who I thought I could, I have been best friends with both of them for alot of years. It seems like this always happens to me, do I have a sign on my head that tells everyone to betray me and break my trust. I am very loyal to my close friends and would never tell something they confided in me about if they told me not to, it is just not right to do. So why does it seem to always happen to me? I am just upset about this and hope someone can help. Thank you.
Love and Light to all,
Cheryl

Cheryl,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- a tough one, certainly

- a shamanic view is to inquire with anyone in whom you may confide what their favorite animals are (two is fine)

- people often do tend to be (or try to be) somewhat like the animals they prefer (whether they realize it or not)

- Blue Jays and many other song birds cannot and do not keep secrets well (though generally their intentions are OK)

- Owls are much better about it (they always ask whooo?? but never tell) bagl

- wrens are noisy but generally talk about themselves rather than others

>:-}}

- crows are gossips of the most notorious sort

- ravens are more trustworthy

- peacocks are OK as well

- dogs, felt by us to be loyal to people, may be OK for trust

- cats, definitely not

- elephants are as trustworthy as one can get

- coyotes are also excellent in the 'loyalty' department

- porpoises are trustworthy but chatterboxes (unintentinally loose lips sink ships, and all that)

- and so it goes.

- if this approach is not your cup of tea then perhaps keeping one's stuff to oneself is the best policy

- also, a bit of careful examination about what prompts you to share what you do with whom you do might be a useful Mindfulness exercise

- hope this helps

Reiki all around,

all blessings,

Firekeeper

Cheryl,

If this is always happening to you then hopefully this time you have learned this particular lesson regarding trusting/sharing information. Friendships/relationships evolve with time. People can drift away and bonds can be broken. You should always trust yourself first. Think things through before sharing information and go with what your inner instincts tell you. To me there is always a fine line when someone chooses to share information/news and/or it turns possibly into twisted information, gossip or even the telling of secrets.
Ask yourself, would this have been better to keep to myself? What was my reason for sharing? What purpose did this have? Now ask yourself, will I do this again?

My personal example of a trust issue thing is this.
My one Reiki teacher and I have a mutual friend who works for her and for me. I was informed on a few occasions teacher was ill. The last time I inquired if teacher was hopefully doing better, she paused and began to say, I'm not supposed to tell anyone this but........I put my hand up and said stop, don't tell me, I don't need to know.

Well yeah, I wanted to know on some level but I did not need to know. I thought to protect my teacher's privacy as I would want mine protected. Teacher is a business person and telling private things could affect this business, herself, her trust in this mutual worker and on and on.
By the look on said worker's face I think she learned a lesson that day herself. I learned one about her also.

Some things are better left unsaid and not shared.
Gossip, sharing "restrictive information" etc. is never a pretty thing and usually comes back to bite ya somewhere where it hurts.

Hope this helps some.

Donna

Cheryl,
a difficult subject....sometimes...
I made the experience, that if I don`t want things to be said, I keep them for myself. I realized myself how hard it is sometimes to get things said with the mention...pls do not say it to x or y. These things are sometimes unbearable and maybe we want to help, to clearify....and we are not able to keep it for ourselves. The lesson I learned hereby is, always to speak with the person concerned when something has to be clarified, not to bother others with things they are not concerned about because they also don´t feel good with what they heard.

Reikimerlot said it quite pretty: when someone begins with: "nobody should know..., but I can tell you about..., just stop it, either you want to know, or you don´t. Since I don´t want to anymore, I feel much better and am not involved anymore in unpleasant stories, which are not mine.

I think that when we do so, we expect unconsciously that others tell others....if not, we would certainly settle matters directly with the persons concerned.

for this reason, words like brake my trust or betray seems in this regard to hard to me. (but I understand you are upset). It happened to me too without any intention to break trust, but it happens very quicky, just talking, trying to sort out, not to say, but it came out. And I mostly fell so bad with these things I heard and should not tell. Not easy....Did it never happen to you once???

You say: ..it seems like this always happens to me....
Maybe you get the answer, when you review the situations you were already involved in....

For my part, I know that when someone tells things about me to others and do not talk to me, I feel very upset as I´m missing trust.

This is my personal view. Sure you will find a way....
All the best to you, Cheryl

Singingrobin

Thank you to all that responded. Your guidance has helped alot.
Love and Light to all,
Cheryl

Otoharo!

Cheryl, you have to chalk this up to experience and go on with your life. What grabs you is that people do not live up to your expectations. We learn eventually not to expect anything from anyone. Take wht they offer without expecting. This is very hard to learn If you want to delve further into this, read the book by (I forget the name, Garcia I think) it is "Four Agreements".

finality

thanks firekeeper for -shamanic insight.

Peace
lena

Upsetting, this kind of betrayal.

As for the 'sign on your head'... if you've examined your conscience and know that you are capable of keeping confidences, then good for you. You know that it's possible. The strange thing about practicing a virtue, however -- especially if it's effortless -- is that sometimes we may project our virtue onto the the people we identify with -- our close ones, including friends. And we are all imperfect -- just in different ways. So there's no 'sign', really, but these recurring events mean that you might have a belief about other people that isn't accurate.

It's true that once you tell a "secret", it's no longer secret. It is human nature to keep sharing it. If not right away, then later, perhaps.

Years ago I was like you. Then I poured out many confidences once to someone whom I assumed I could trust. Afterward, to be sure, I asked if he would keep my confidences. He shocked me by saying that if he didn't, telling them to him was _my_ indiscretion. A hard answer, not what I wanted to hear, but I have never assumed secret-keeping ever since, especially if the story is too "good" to keep... people are so tempted by that. Our society builds whole industries around gossip. If I choose to share a secret of mine, I acknowledge that there's a chance it will get around, even though I am blessed today with a few loyal, wonderful friends. If I want absolute silence, I start with myself.

The betrayal you experienced quite possibly wasn't personal -- your friends probably assumed you would 'know' they would gossip about you, because they expect the same from you as they do themselves -- but it might be worthwhile to examine what it is you expect from others (beliefs), and whether those expectations are realistic.

Blessings,

Lunarreikin

Otoharo!

Lunarreikin, you have said this well. The first step in becoming a professional therapist is learning the art and skill of confidentiality. Gossip is out the window. Once one gets the principle of it, it becomes second nature. Here, as I share my story, I am also sharing private stories of those with whom I relate. There is a cautioner inside me that stands watch over this process, every time I begin to type. Our personal life is precious. And on the writer's board, every word that is recorded there is an opening to the inside of the writer.

finality

Dear Firekeeper,

Anyone who won't trust me because I love cats is on the loosing end of the stick.

:-))

hugs

Walk in beauty,
Rebecca

Rebecca,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- from the shamanic perspective loving cats and "being" like cats are rather different matters.

>:-}}

- our cat is 14 years olde; hates sticks; loves hair elastics; (and pistachio kulfi) - but then, she is more coyote than cat

bagl, bagl, bagl

- Reiki all around,

all blessings,

firekeeper

Hi Cheryl

I can very well understand your problem.
I want to give you a suggestion. Try to buy this book and read it....it will solve all your problems. Beleive me. I used to feel just like you but now I know why it happens and how you can change the things around you.

The book is:
YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE
By Louise L Hay

Love n Light
Maitri

Dear Firekeeper,

I have on more than one ocassion and by more than one person been 'accused' of being a cat.

:-))

Hope this does not make me untrustworthy in anyone's eyes. If it does, I can't loose any sleep over it. (we cats do like our naps after all)

For myself I would trust a 'cat' before a 'dog' and myself before either .

:-))

bagl

hugs

Walk in beauty,
Rebecca

Rebecca,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- I suppose the trick is to know one's own judgement sufficiently well such that these issues are moot before we are toast.

bagl

Reiki all around,

all blessings,

Firekeeper

Firekeeper,

Well we are all going to be toasted every once in awhile no matter who we listen to.

Pass the lemon curd.

:-))

Walk in beauty,
Rebecca

Rebecca,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- just as long as I don't get English Muffin'd (unless I get eggs hussard to go on top)

>:-}}...

bagl (mit lox and cream cheese, please)

>:-}}...

Reiki all around,

all blessings,

Firekeeper

Thank you, finality. I very much like what you have expressed, as well.

The person who taught me that lesson, was a good teacher. :) And in every one of those valuable lessons that we learn over time, through our own experience or those of others, it is good to have that 'cautioner' within who helps guide our words so that we may find the true balance between passing on the basics of a lesson, and passing on gossip. Many has been the time where I have struggled for that balance with a message -- verbally, or here at the Café for example -- the struggle is an indicator of the cautioner speaking up -- thus certainly here, many times I have abandoned a message or heavily edited it before posting. People have told me things in confidence that will never be shared, neither verbally nor in any kind of print, not even in a journal, nor on a scrap of paper... privacy is precious.

Confidentiality is essential to being Reiki, or so I believe. :)

Namaste,

Lunarreikin