The Reiki Cafe 

I don't know about you, but I am trying to lease my apartment. So I suggested to a friend, "K" who is looking for a new apartment to check my place out. Since I am living out of town at the present, she had permission to let herself into my apt. and to spend the night there to see how she liked it and to meet with my broker the next day. I told the doorman and it was fine. So, "K" drove all the way from Boston to NYC to stay at my place. When she arrived at my apartment in the late afternoon, much to her surprise, another one of my friend's "M" was in my apartment watching television! "M" remained ther until 11:30 p.m. and told "K" that I might be returning to the NY area in a few weeks and there was no need to rent my apartment. "K" left the next morning and has decided not to lease my apartment, in this very bad renatal market.

Since I am residing out of state, I heard about this incident from my broker and from "K". It turns out both of friends of mine happen to know each other as I introduced them last year, so at least it was not a total shock for "K" to have found a virtual stranger in my place.

I feel that my freind "M" has issues with boundries. I let her know this in a detailed voice mail message I left her last night. She apologized, but I can't understand her strange behavior.

I am very angry at her for letting herself into my apartment without asking my permission. She had asked a month ago if she could stay at my apartment overnight while work was being done in her apartment. I told her that she could not stay at my apartment, but ultimately as it turned out, she did so anyway. I guess she had a spare key made or never returned my other spare. I now wonder how many times she has stayed uninvited in my apartment since I told her that it was vacant?

What do you think of this and of people who don't have a sense of boundries?

I told "M" that she didn't have the right to come and go as she pleased to my apartment even though I am living out of town for now. I am thinking of having the super install a second lock on my door, the key to be held with my broker until I return to NYC. I am a bit angry at "M" and the disrespect she's shown me. She is usually a good friend but I have always had a funny feeling about her. It may be "expressing" itself now...

Do you think I am over reacting? My Dad seems to think I am over reacting. But "M"'s Dad and mine are buddies from college days. I think my Dad is being an "apologist" in this matter.

You thoughts are most appreciatedD

AIM

Dear AIM,

I believe it's a lesson in honoring your gut feelings. You say you had a funny feeling about M. That was most likely your intuition saying there is something not in integrity with her.
Are you going to go against your intuition again and not change the locks? My opionion is that you are not over-reacting. Your dad has a right to his opionion and it seems strange that he would say you are over-reacting.
I say honor your decision to change your locks. M sounds nervy and I have had experience with so called friends like that. They can mess up your life as she seems possessive.
Just be polite with her from now on I would suggest without telling her you are changing locks. If she is truly sorry she will make amends in some way besides just apologizing and will respect your choices.

good luck,

Prosperity

Hi, AIM,

I totally agree with the previous post - you are not overreacting in my opinion and should change the locks.

"M" has overstepped the mark and abused the privilege of your friendship. While it is true that some people are more territorial than others, in these circumstances the fact that she appears to have had her own key made and occupied the apartment without your permission or knowledge implies a dishonest nature and I think you would be wise to keep her at arm's length in future!

Love and light,

Kiga

Aim,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- it seems "M" feels that he\she has carte blanche to stay in your apartment if you are not there. I assume you never gave permission for more than the one stay-over.

- I would say this is a bit more than "boundary" issues.

- ask the manager or owner of the apartment to change the locks and I would suggest you not give out any keys thereafter. If someone else damages your apartment you are responsible.

- confronting such "license" in clear terms is my recommendation but harshness may not serve much purpose (this time)

>:-}}

- good luck,

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

I'd be mad as hell and no you're not over reacting in my opinion. This person knew they were not to stay there. Then butted into business between you and someone else.

I would definitely have the locks changed. And I have no idea what to tell you as far as trying to prevent this issue from happening again other than that.

Otoharo!

Aim, were it me, I would have new locks put on your doors and only the broker has the key and only you can give the broker permission to allow anyone in there.

finality

Thanks to all of you for your support. "M" has been a good friend in the past and has helped me when I needed it in the past. But the fact is that I would have helped her were the situation reversed.

Regardless, I think she is a bit odd and her behoavior, I hope stands corrected. Her father is a very well respected and classy man. It is odd the way the children do not always reflect the same manner as their parents.

AIM

Dear Aim,

While changing the locks, I'd change the bed sheets and the toothbrush as well.

Considering that there is sneakiness on two levels I would theorize that M does not have a problem with boundaries per se ; just your boundaries.

Namaste,
Michael

Cheaper to get locks re-keyed than changed entirely.

I may ask the building super to change my lock. There is a chance I may be returning after all. I don't want to go to the East coast durimg the winter, but if I get the job I am applying for, then I will do it. Brr...it's cold enough in norhtern CA, as it is...

Anyway, I have not yet speak to "M" lately. I don't know what to say or if I even want to be friends, or as good of friends as before.

AIM

..so true my friend. Like $20 instead of $120.

Fer cryin' out loud! Here you can get them rekeyed for $5.