The Reiki Cafe 

Hi all,

Recent personal events have lead me to question whether it is often our own expectations that cause us most pain(as opposed to people and situations) in this life. I guess what I mean is, if our expectations out of life are way too high then we are going to feel more let down than if they were lower. And it seems unfair to project our expectations on to other people, we are only setting them and us up for failure and disappointment. I also have very high expectations of myself, which again has caused me heartache in the past.

In the beginning I attached lots of expectations to Reiki, but I have learnt not to do so, but it seems hard for me to apply the same principles to my everyday life. I wondered if and how others have dealt with this.

Gentle Blessings
Helen

hi, life is much more easier with no expectations, as far as reiki is concerned, the more expectations i have, the less it works for me!

helen,

Hi.

One way to think of this is that the more we focus on our own expectations the less Mindfulness we have for compassionate action\living whether this involves Reiki at some Moment or not. Remember, the more time and energy I spend thinking about myself the less time and energy I have for compassioante action and the more danger there is that I get wrapped up in my own 'junk'. And, I agree, that projecting our own expectations onto others, especially our children, can raise 'difficulities'. Thus, some time spent in self-examination is necessary. But I feel that sometimes we can get too caught up in such self-preoccupied examinations.

Sometimes I feel it is not our expectations upon which we need to focus but our values about expectations and the Intentions that are attatched. It will be, largely, the Intentions that begin the cycle of 'new Karma'. I find it helpful to remind myself that sometimes we expect of others that which we do not or cannot 'accomplish' ourselves. We tell our children to 'share' when we act selfishly in many ways, for example.

Often it seems that 'outcomes' feel an awful lot like looking for 'answers'. To borrow from one of our cafe folk: it does seem that it is the questions that matter. But, I also feel that at some point we need to stop 'stewing' and start eating, so to speak.

Cheers (a stick of cinnomon to stir the tea)

RC

Otoharo!

Helen, I got help with this very thing with reading the book, Four Agreements. It is a very powerful message he has printed. What you call expectations is a part of the agreements. That was a hard one for me, too. I always wanted to be my best and especially with my husband, I definitely wanted him to meet my expectations. He was keen enough to know that and before marriage played up to that. After marriage he seemed to get a kick out of failing to meet them one by one! In fact flaunt them in my face! I suspect that is common in marriages.

finality

I would say that yes. they are often our greatest source of disappointment. I think having high expectations is an attachment to having whatever the expectation is in our life. I feel the best way to overcome this is to just let things flow and try not to have expectations as best we can.

Hi Helen,

I'll use myself as an example... for the past three years I've had some kind of surgery in late November that prevented me from "doing up" a traditional Christmas celebration, due to casts, crutches, being unable to drive, etc. It has really helped me redefine what Christmas really means to me. It's about family, and faith - not the trappings.

I guess this is an example of how lowering one's expectations can lead to fuller enjoyment of life. :)

hi helen,

definitely expectations lead to suffering, wherever they are applied to living beings. this is an odd one to sort out, as our culture is based on assumptions and expectations about how things work in the material world and dimension -- we expect an oven to heat up, a bus to arrive, a workday to begin, and a rock to behave as a rock -- this is how we move through environments in the material world, but none of it really applies to we organisms.

i find the best way for me to divest of my own expectations, especially the high ones i hold for (against? more likely) myself -- is to blow them up with humour. so i work on an ability to laugh at myself, to not take myself and my situations so seriously, to step aside and see the absurdity of it all.

i remind myself with statements like how i've "resigned as general manager of the universe", and by remembering to check things out with others -- a simple "does that work for you?" or "what would you like?" opens up a world of possibilities that is awesome.

i thank the creator that we usually have many decades in which we may learn to work out our personal struggles -- between understanding human nature, our nature, god-nature, and what-all else, there's a lot on our plates, much to digest.

may your elephant of expectations be a skinnier specimen than the one i've been digesting. lol!

namaste,
lunarreikin