The Reiki Cafe 

Hi,
Yesterday I went to a family outing and a close relative told me that another female relative told her that my husband told her that I was jealous of her. This female relative had already e-mailed this information to me months ago and stated that she thought I was pathetic to be jealous. (which I'm not) My husband denies he ever said to anyone I was jealous. I didn't name a person to him as I didn't want to create a drama or to continue the gossip game. When I asked what reason she had to tell me she said it was to let me know that my husband was jealous of me. and supposedly this other female relative had told my husband that she would never do anything to hurt me. Any tips on how I should respond other than to do less family outings. This kind of behavior really annoys me.
thanks,
Prosperity

Prosperity,

I suggest to just drop it and continue with your family outings and hold your head up and smile and do your own thing.

Your actions should speak louder than words of any gossip going around.

Teach them that there are many other topics to discuss and if they don't take your cue excuse yourself and get up and move away and on to something or someone else.

I have found there is a very fine line between sharing news and gossip. I have also found even in families they prefer to gossip.

Some answers back I use,
I heard what you said. Then I change the subject.
I have nothing to add to that or comment on.
I prefer not to go there.

You cannot stop it all but you can not be a part of it.

Best wishes,
Donna

Otoharo!

Prosperity, this is what children do in third grade. I would turn loose of the whole thing. It is a net to catch you and probably is engineered by ego.

finality

prosperity,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- you bounced it off your husband, apparently go a favorable bounce and so I would say let it go

- as for further outings? If you enjoy them (even with these childish distractions) then attend and have a good time

>:-}}

- once the gossipers find you are not playing the game perhaps they will find time to grow up

bagl

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Hi,
tHANKS for all the opionions and great responses and good lines to use in case it happens again. Funny, now I don't feel so annoyed by it all and will let it go. Do I enjoy the outings? Sometimes I do. Sometimes, though it feels like more stress than it's worth as I never know what to expect. I agree it's childish.
Thanks again,
peace and blessings,
Prosperity

Dear Prosperity,
Not participating in gossip is the best bet. Then, of course, you may be seen as a snob or not much fun to be around. That might be a mixed blessing :) Sometimes we can not win with others no matter what we do. Gossip hurts feelings & reputations. People who talk about others generally have issues themselves that they are not dealing with, sometimes it takes the heat off those issues.
Thank you for your post as I have been wrestling with this issue myself. I had dinner with neighbors who are moving out of town & had a good time except for when the personal lives of other neighbors was discused or when we drove by a house that was in disrepair & it is obvious that the owners are having a financial problem. I had forgotten why, over the years, I had avoided being with these neighbors except for usual small talk. They arent bad people & I understand it is a coping mechanism. But so much damage is done with heartless talk & the babbling of our own needs. Your post & the one re being nonjudgemental has me thinking. Thank you.

peace & joy,
holobon

dEAR hOLOBAN,

Thank you for your kind response. True not gossiping is the best bet. Some gossip is normal to some degree and I can get drawn into it myself if it's not too destructive as most gossip can be hurtful. I also agree that gossip is a distraction or avoidance of real issues. I can relate to your experience with nosy, gossipy, type neighbors as well. Hopefully your new neighbors are ones you can resonate with.

peace,
blessings your way,
Prosperity

i can relate to your situation. it's quite something, to hear all the hungry and empty-spirited energy that drives such behaviour, isn't it? i'm never prepared for it, but i have been known to ask a gossipy friend or relative why they never have any _positive_ gossip about anyone, in the spirit of 'if you can't say something nice about someone, say nothing at all'.

best of luck,
lunarreikin

Properity,

Why don't you set up the Reiki symbols with the date and place of the next family gathering attached and with the clear intent of healing this particular gossip string?

Just a suggestion!

Sincerely,
Zookie

Dear Zookie,

Hi! Wow, that sounds like a plan I will take into consideration thanks! I have wanted to clear up drama in family (families) way back and then sort of resigned myself to the craziness as noone seems to believe there is a problem much less work on honest communication and there is the permission issue. Maybe by putting the focus mainly on myself and my environment with family that effects me as it does take 2 to tango yet dancing alone can sometimes be funner. Several members of my family have also said I have healing energy even before I knew about Reiki and have requested Reiki or asked me if I knew of any one who does it after I have offered it &/or invited them to reiki gatherings.
Thanks again for that suggestion as it gives me hope and more of a gameplan mainly for self protection and being an instument of peace. I needed to hear that.

blessings to you,
Prosperity

zookie,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- one view is that such action is, essentially, reiki without the permission of the others involved

- permissions are Key

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Dear Firekeeper,

True permission is key. Yet some RM's believe in doing it and Asking Higher power of the person. My last RM says in extreme circumstances especially if there has been reiki done previously with them.
However, last time I did that with my son I did wake up with a headache as I was concerned with his state of mind so if it's for the higher power to decide or send back to me what ever is for the highest and best. I previously asked him and ne plainly said no, yet my RM said to send it via HP anyway as he's in a dangerous place - federal prison.
So that's why I said to put the focus on myself with regards to the environment and situation etc. Is that unethical to you according to your understanding? Is it a black /white thing with no grey? I know it's the old permission issue again. Thanks for bringing it up as I also needed to hear it again so as not to overstep boundries.

thanks,

blessings,

Prosperity

I will read all responses eargerly as this happens so often in my family! It has, on occasion, driven a wedge between my husband and I.
Love and light,
Tracey

prosperity,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- one view is that our own so-called higher and lower selves do not always communictae very well

>:-}}

- so how can one reliably contact someone else's 'so-called' higher self'; let alone a whole group of people?

- is it unethical? Well, does intruding energy in on someone without their knowledge or permission qualify as unethical?? I would say yes - because there are circumstances where sending energy can cause someone problems (part of this may be personal energy that gets mixed in with Reiki practices) but the harm is done nonetheless

- there may be some dire circumstances where sending without direct permission may be helpful but......

..... a bit of gossip simply does not strike me as very dire

- and you certainly have your own experiences with your son to review (as you have done)

- wouldn't it really be a stir to get all the folks involved together at the same dinner table and bring up the subject??

>:-}}

- take care

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Dear Firekeeper,

Thank you for clearing that up. True the gossip situation is not as dire although it is the tip of the iceberg. My understanding which may be a bit crazy is that if we ask our higher power to talk to the other's higher power that if the other's HP decides no, then it will divert the energy back. So we are in a sense staying out of it and leaving it up to HP and may get an answer which we can know or not get an answer.
In regards to sending reiki to a situation it may not require sending to any particular person just the situation as a whole which I would be around. Does that make sense?

peace,

Prosperity

prosperity,

/*\ namaste :-}}

- this whole higher self thing really amounts to eschewing responsibility for what one does - we say the higher selves will work it out so I have no responsibility

- really, that simply doesn't fly

- so, the problem is that you are not the only one 'in the situation' - what you would really be doing is sending to everyone in the situation (and not just their higher selves, either)

>:-}}

- situations themselves have no higher or lower selves or any way to deal with the energy - no "self" or Ego or intelligence

- so, for people to treat 'situations' as some sort of 'entity' that one can reiki??

- I don't think so

>:-}}

- it is the people that make or break the situation, so to speak - it is they who respond (or not) to the energy

>:-}}

- now if you want to send Reiki to yourself while you are in the situation that is, of course, a dandy thing to do

>:-}}

- hope this helps

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Dear Prosperity,

In regards to sending Reiki to a situation that you will be involved in...

Send the Reiki to you! You are giving permission, you will be utilizing the energy. Add in to that the fact that you can spend some time being mindful before and during the encounter with these family members. Some time spent alone to center and ground and self-Reiki beforehand could prove very helpful as you negotiate these tricky family waters. Adding your own spirituality into the mix may help you deal with things in a different way.

My personal opinion is that Reiki should not be sent without permission. Of course there may be those rare exceptions that make the rule.

I was on the receiving end of some hurtful gossip a few months ago. I'll admit that it shook me up. I acknowledged the issues that it brought to the surface for me and did some self-healing on those. And then I simply stopped giving my energy to the gossip. I did not engage in "counter-gossip" and I became able to let it flow over me. Sooner rather than later the gossip came to an end...and I learned a great deal about myself in the process.

I continue to wish you well as you deal with this situation!

Lesley

Dear Lesley,

Thanks and I will do just that. Sorry about the gossip in your family. It really shook me up for a day or 2 as well.
Good luck to you and yours,

Prosperity

Dear Tracey,
I hear ya! There's been alot of gossip I just am too embarrassed to bring up to my husband as he tends to make an issue of it and defends his family if they're involved. It is a tough one.
blessings,
Prosperity

What would your opinion be if Reiki was used to clear and charge
the property/park where the gathering was to be held. Not the people, but the area?

Would owners of the property, if in a home, or in the yard, need to give permission?

I would also ask the same question regarding a presentation, business meeting, etc. where the room itself would be the object of intention. Would permission be required from someone? (I ran into this situation in the past, and was wondering if private residence would have the same applicability as business).

Thoughts?

Thank you.
Robin

Dear Lesley,
Stop giving your energy to the gossip: you hit the nail on the head!! :)

peace & joy,
holobon

Dear Firekeeper,

Yes that helps and I respect your truth in it. Situations cannot be reikied. Only beings or entities. That makes sense.

Thank you,

blessings,

Prosperity

Prosperity,

Lots of people never grow up beyond adolesence.

My husbands immediate family and part of my extended one (my mother's family never engaged in the behavior so our role model was different :-)) were huge offenders. How did we solve it? We moved 12 hours from the nearest relative 30 years ago. :-)) (not for that reason but it did work out :-))

Best advise I can give is don't get sucked in either by joining in or by allowing it to be an issue. If the subject comes up between you and your husband, explain to him that you aren't attacking his family just stating facts and don't be emotional. It doesn't matter what is said, how it is said, or the reason for saying it, people believe what they want to believe and it doesn't have to have any bit of truth in it.

Yes, some of them will likely say that you think you are better than they are because you don't 'carry tales' but I'll bet that a lot more of them are wishing they had the guts to do the same thing. Look around and see who is keeping quiet at the next family gathering and spend your time with them.

Walk in beauty,
Rebecca

Hi Diosa,

Thanks for your insight. The gossip has caused me to repeat things to my spouse who has addressed the relative who denied it and he's believed them over me especially if it's his family. So, I will work on not getting sucked in.
Moving is a smart option although my spouse wants to be close to his family. Our daughter moved out of state so that gives me hope. thanks again,

blessings to you,

Prosperity

robin,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- why would you want to 'charge' a space?? If not to also affect the people?? I mean, what is the point of charging the hall before a business meeting if one has no desired outcomes somewhere in ones Mind?

>:-}}

- having asked that, I will say that if you can truely reiki a "space" without any Intention (subconscious as well) directed at the folks who will be there - then OK

- if you are that advanced an Adept? Hey, who am I to advise you

>:-}}

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper