The Reiki Cafe 

hey guys and gals its been a while.

im really confused. im 18 now. i feel a mounting pressure to be something. to know exactly what i am suppost to do. im not sure where to turn though. I feel as though i don't know myself anymore. i feel that i am to caught up in this world to see the truth. I live each day happy to have had it and knowing it is a gift but... i feel as though something is missing. like something is looming over my head and i have to do it. Like a responisiblity you need to take care of. its hard for me to explain but i think you get the idea. i feel as though i have been waiting for something to happen for a long time now but i don't know what. it seems to me that i cant be happy where i am because im thinking about where im going. its wierd.

any advice would be greatly accepted
truth_seeker

Dear Truthseeker,
Perhaps your sign on name here at the Cafe holds a key? Truth is not always easy to find or to recognize once found. Many times it requires letting go of beliefs. Through one lifetime we will put aside previously held ideas as we mature and keep searching for truth. So, at 18 you are at the beginning of your journey.
When we are pushed by society to have a destination in mind, a goal for our life just at a time when we are exploring who we are, apart from what our friends & families may desire us to be, it can be quite confusing. Actually, I didnt read anything you posted that sounded strange to me at all.
My suggestion is not to agonize over what it means or worry about it but recognize it as a normal process of youth,entering through the threshold of adulthood where responsibility and making your own way collide with thee reality of making a living & life of your own.
You are standing on a precipice with childhood days behind you & the adult world before you. This is a major change and confusion is normal.
Remain open & listen to your feelings & thoughts without drawing too many conclusions and eventually it will come together. Most of us falter at this point: patience is short for most of us!
Your thoughts & feelings are your connection to what is going on within you but they are only clues and you may not understand them for some time.
A long time ago,your parents or other relatives (as well as Cafe members) may have felt exactly like you are feeling now.
Life is very wierd!! :)
peace & joy,
holobon

truth_seeker,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- you are at the threshold of having to be responsible for yourself (in many ways)

- sometimes being at the point of "being responsible" is not nearly as 'exciting' as wanting to have that resposibility (you know, how so many teenagers constantly tell their parents they are "old enough" to make their own decisions?? - even though their parents are still responsible for them)

>:-}}

- well, at 18 you are now "of age" - you may vote, enlist in the armed forces, drop out of school, get a full -time job, etc.

- it is not always easy to simply tell oneself what to do with one's life when others (parents) have been doing that job for 18 years

- it is something to learn and learn from thru the doing

- one step at a time is good advice though every now and again a bit of leap may be inspiring

>:-}}

- hope this helps in some way

>:-}}

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

I just attended a great workshop by Ron Roth......he speaks alot about how young people in this culture, especially males, are missing something they had gained in the past via initiation ceremonies. (Things like vision quests)In older cultures, this was typically a time in a male's life (between the ages of 13 and 18), when he was sent into the wilderness (literally or figuratively) to suffer and to explore his calling in this lifetime. He was then taught by male elders what he needed to know. The lack of this type of instruction/male bonding in our western culture (and perhaps even in eastern cultures which are becoming more westernized) creates a type of angst which may last into midlife, when a crisis occurs. I truly believe that young people have it harder than we did years ago, because the fabric of our society is so much looser and changing so rapidly. When I was your age, most of my peers had a very clear idea of where they were headed, but most of the young people I know now seem uncertain and restless, even if they have chosen a path. A good friend of mine who often functions as an "elder" male has offered vision quests for young males and found them very helpful. Ron Roth also speaks about the growing, and somewhat new need, for young females to have such an experience, as their roles in society are changing and they are pretty much on the same outward journey as the young males. So, I guess my suggestion to you is to do something to go inward, with the support of an elder or group of elders.......perhaps you can even find a vision quest program. It is good that you are asking these questions instead of burying them. What is it that brings you the most joy? There is a key to your purpose in that. Don't be afraid to follow what brings you joy. You may not see where it is leading, but that is how Spirit speaks to us. You are young, and you may not see where it is leading for many years, but trust the Joy.
Much love,
Feather

thanks for the help guys and gals. the thing that makes me the happyiest... little moments. i work in a theme park and one day i saw a kid (about 7 or 8). At first i didn't think anything about him or the baby i heard crying. that kid walked over to a total stanger's baby and smashed his two cars he had into a pretend crash. the child quit crying and laughed.

that got to me.(i had to quit walking and i cried) i had always thought that i was a good person. (i took pride in that. and i still do.)but that kid acted. he cheered up a kid that he will never see again with out thought of reward. he did it for the kid. that one moment made me happy. i knew what good was. i knew what truth was. i knew what the reason for being was in that one moment.

i feel so restricted between work and school. have you ever been hungry while your at work and didn't eat so you push it out of your mind.(like its not your turn to go on break) then it pops up randomly until you can push it back down again. i don't feel as though i can go on a vsion quest even though i have alwys wanted to do one.that and geting hyponotized (i know i misspelled that) to recall a past life. i think that would help.

thanks for everything guys.

truth_seeker

Dear Truth Seeker,
You have a beautiful heart. It sounds like you have touched that raw and vulnerable beauty at the core of your being. It is awakened, and it will continue to call you, just as repressed hunger for food. That soft being deep in your heart needs nourishment. I wonder if a tiny part of your response to the act of kindness you witnessed was that it called up inside of you the part of YOU that is crying and seeks the unconditional love that the 7 year old was showing. What happened here? The baby felt HEARD and VALIDATED. Where in your life do you feel heard and validated? I am wondering why you feel you CAN"T do a vision quest if it is something you have always wanted to do. Just a question. I think being very busy with work and school can make it very difficult to sort everything out, but that is how most of us must make the journey.....most of us don't have the luxury of being away from it all and sorting it out. That being said, there may be great value in carving out, planning time to do this. Your mental health affects your physical health, and if you do not nurture your soul, you will become ill.

If you are called to past life regression, go for it! Even though we need to live the life we are in now, I think there is some help in seeing what issues come from the past, and I think exploring that can deepen this lifetime experience. I see in your profile that you came to Reiki through a dream. If you ask and intend for information you need to come through in a dream, perhaps it will. I believe we do get information about past lives in dreams, and these dreams are pretty unique and easy to recognize. Sometimes they feel like a movie and we are dressed in clothes of a different time period.....some books on past life regression talk about clues we get in dreams. This may be one way you can access this information. Dreams also carry other valuable information about our own Truth and path.

I am not sure if any of us ever feel we have "arrived".
Just be sure to really live the Journey. You are co-creator in your life. Don't forget that. It can make life very rich to keep remembering that!

Blessings,
Feather
P.S. In my last post, I wrote the wrong name for the speaker/author. I should have written Richard Rohr. I have gone to talks by both men and had both names in my head. Ron Roth is a healer with a very interesting journey. Richard Rohr is a very cool Franciscan priest who has written much on male spirituality.

Wow. i never really thought of it that way feather... the reason i cant go on a vision quest is because i am a coward. i am can't approuch my parents and say "Hey guys im going to the woods to find myself.. ill see you in 6 mounths." (not to say my parents dont support me because they do.)

The other reason is because I fear change. I mean real change. I fear that i might lose myself. I know its stupid but it is there. its so much easyer to keep my head down and forget. But i know that i can't do that forever.

One time i asked god in prayer that if i got a sign i would try to heal people. i got my sign. the dots that look like:

o

o o

o

so i went searching on the web trying to find this sign. (off and on) and i found it on a reiki board w/ a pair of hands in the middle. (during my meditations and trying to find my calling i would always see hands.) so i am learning Reiki. So i am gonig down my road. but a part of me wants to stop. a part of me wants to start screaming to anyone that will listen for any kind of help. but a third knows i have to keep going. i know i can't stop. I fear so much because i understand so little.

truth_seeker

P.s. how do you guys use reiki in your everday lives?? we are learing something that can make a difference in the world. when i look up at the daytime sky i see "fire flies" (little balls of white light that fly around.) my mom taught me how to see them. when you look into the sky just know that they are there. (like the zoo books when you look for the hiding animal. you have to know that it is there before you can see it.) i want to know if anyone can see them. so far its just me and my mom.

thanks as alwys guy and gals. this is probably the only place that really can understand. for that i am thankful.

Hi Truth-Seeker
As everyone has said you at 18 are just starting your life and I ask you Please don't rush. It can be a long path with a lot of rocks. You have a real opportunity working at the park, to observe people and learn.Just like the kid that stopped to make the child happy. Just open up to whats arround you. with your attitude you will find your way.

Blessings
TNT

Well the thing is, you can go out in the woods for six months. Will life wait for you? No.

But that's really society telling you what is and is not an acceptable course of behavior.

Perhaps try to find a more modern way of accomplishing the same thing. You say you have avenues you wish to pursue so go for it.

In your story about the child it seems to me that you feel like less of a person because you have succumbed to some of these social pressures. For everyone who stands up against such a thing you inspire others and before ya know it BAM the mold is shattered. Or at least people will recognize you're not going to fit it.

The only real thing stopping you is you.But everytime you do the right thing and step forward it just gets easier.

In the past two-three months i've taken the high road to the point that it could have cost me my livelihood. Logic dictates i didn't do either one of em. Spirit disagreed. I chose Spirit and my life is better for it.

As far as your current crisis goes. Been there. I was havin a nervous breakdown at 23. Had wayy too much pressure on me and finally lost it for a week. I begged Spirit to help me understand. Laid down for a nap while crying myself to sleep. Had a dream of which i only remember some of the details. No idea what the individual in my dream said to me. Just remember us walking around the desert talking. Woke up and everything was great.

Part of the immense pressure I felt was because, just like you, i knew there was a direction i should be going but not what that direction was. Still don't know LOL. but evidently I went that way. all I can really say is instead of trying to determine what that one thing is. Try those things that may help you find out. In the end you may feel like you tried something that didn't help. but in actuality you are learning what direction not to go so over time you discard the rest to find your place.

Blessings to ya oh and hell you can have a big hug too *big hug here*

Tis human nature to resist change........even desired good change. The truth of it is: change IS the one constant in our exixtence.

A vision quest can be for a weekend.......or even a night. When the weather warms, try digging a trench big enough to lie in. Spend the night in Mother Earth. Feel her heartbeat and look at Father Sky.

If you follow the energy (the tiny balls of light), you will see it enter plants and trees. Draw them into you. They will recharge you and enliven you.

How do I use Reiki as an everday thing? Reiki myself and send to those I know would have me do so before I get out of bed. Reiki my plants and pets and food. Ask it ot flow to all those that would except it during my day......feel it flow as I pass someone or touch them. Send Reiki to future events, have it flow ahead of me and with me as I drive, cleanse my stones and other belongings, send it to Mother earth and use it when I pray or meditate.

I turned 50 this past December. I remember being your age. You will feel this way often on your journey through life. Which road to travel? Which choice to make? Always go with your heart. All paths have joy and trails. The heart paths have that and much more.

Blessings to you
blackearth

Hi, Truth Seeker,
Wow, you are really being called!
Yes, yes, yes, there is often major FEAR about change and about becoming who we are really called to be!!!!
Check out A Course in Miracles. FEAR is "False Evidence Appearing Real". It is our old EGO trying to hold on to what it knows. Been there! Oh, so been there! When we built my Reiki space and opened my practice, I was so afraid, I literally could hardly walk across the threshold of the space once it was done!!! I have worked alot with a Spiritual Director, who is nondenominational, over the years. There were many, many times when I felt called to grow and take on a challenge,and I would either get very frightened or depressed. It was awesome to have her walk the journey with me. It is normal to go through that.

A vision quest does not have to be 6 months in the woods....go online and search. The "modified" ones are sometimes a weekend retreat, or perhaps a week at the most. Many people I know who have done these go for 3 to 4 days. So, it is not really so far out.......but my guess is that fear of change, fear of being who we really are, postpones these events until either we are ready, or the pain is so great that we MUST.

How I use Reiki in daily life? The first thing was to listen to the CRAP that it brought up and out into the open, stuff that I needed to heal in my soul, my thoughts, etc. As this stuff cleared, then I became Reiki more and more, and do things constantly that make babies smile! You will, too! Your hard work now is healing what needs healing inside of you. Reiki is not a balm. It brings forth what needs to heal, and you are the first person that must be healed. I did self Reiki every morning for years....now I do more Chi Gong, and self Reiki more as I fall asleep. I send Reiki as a matter of course to animals, and whenever someone asks me. I Reiki my food, my car trips, my gifts.

Ah, as for the squiggles of light, isn't that fun? Here is an exerpt about them!
Excerpted from The Fragrant Heavens, Valerie Ann Worwood, p. 121, 122

(Regarding expanding your vision and sense of touch….)

The first exercise involves trying to see a phenomenon that Austrian psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich called “orgone dots” and theosophical literature calls “vitality globules”. One of the best descriptions came from Jirij Moskvitin in Essay on the Origin of Thought, wherein he talks about brilliant sparks of dancing light, describing them as having tiny “tails”. These light particles dart through the atmosphere in all directions, and the easiest way to see them is in daylight, against a blue sky.

To see them, another method of looking is required, as with “magic eye” pictures, which appear at first like a disorganized but repetitive pattern of color. To see these pictures, the eyes are crossed or made to focus differently; to see the shimmering light particles, you need to get beyond normal vision, not by going cross-eyed, but instead by focusing in the distance, as if you were looking for a spaceship in the far blue yonder. The first thing you may see are little gray or see-through wiggle pieces, which are on the surface of the eye and are probably some kind of dust. Then, going beyond them, some people see a watery effect, as if watching water running downward in a wave pattern on a piece of glass. Going beyond that, you begin to see small dancing flashes of light that seem to flicker on and off, but that can be followed and seen to be individualized particles continuing a vitalized course. These globules appear like gold or silver, which could be the light reflecting off them, and some have very light translucent colors. They can be seen even from an aircraft window, and at that altitude they appear to be larger and clearer. Once you have seen light globules it becomes much easier to understand that the atmosphere is full of energy, and actually quite dense.

If you spray essential oils into the air, the light globules are attracted to the aroma molecules, and combine with them. To try this yourself, don’t use the usual spray/misting method, which involves water, but instead use a small perfume sprayer and pure unadulterated essential oils. Watching the attraction of aroma molecules and dancing light is an interesting experience, and makes me wonder what relationship they have. There is certainly a great deal yet to learn. Intriguingly the French National Center for Scientific Research, in conjunction with the National Center for Sp[ace Studies in France, has carried out research that shows, according to author Annick Le Guerer in Scent, “aromatic molecules are one of the basic components of the interstellar space in which new stars are constantly being formed. This interstellar “atmosphere” or gas is also the almost-direct source of the atoms of which we ourselves, along with the earth and the other planets, are made.”

Blessings, and a Big Hug!
Love,
Feather

wow. i totally thought i was carzy about the "fireflies". cool beans on that one feather. thank you so much for everything you guys (and gals) have given to me. i currently reading "everyday enlightenment" by Dan Millman. its really helping alot. i feel different. i'm not afraid of anything. i can do anything. i dont see this path as a big obistical (i can't spell) anymore. its more of a blessing. ive learned one imporatant thing. a person is not changed by what he thinks. he changes himself through what he does.

the spansih celibrate a holiday called the "Day of the Dead" in wich the spirits of loved ones come back for 1 day and are remembered by the family. one of teh customs of this holiday is to buy ver powerful insents wich the spirits are "attracted" to. i wonder if that has anything to do with these "fireflies"??

a random question it is said that Sage will attract the spirits anyone know anything about this??

im about to graduate highschool (very cool i know). then i might go into the redcross as a medic type person or a teacher. how cool is that. i feel clean and cool. (you guys can relate to that right) im gonig to answer my own question now: How do i use reiki in everyday life?? I dont really. up till now i was always afriad of become that wierd guy in the airport handing out flowers in the toga like things. (no offence to anyone) but now i realize that life isnt like that. you arent set to a path that you cant change. you control your life (for the most part). and now i know that even when my life is out of control i still will always have control over myself. so thats cool. wow. i feel good. lol. i can breath. i get it. im begining to understand. wish my luck on my ACTs. bye guys. *big hugs all around.

truth_seeker

Ps. thanks again. (if you know of a person that is going throught the same thing i am tell me.one can never tell a helpful story to many times.lol.) and the symbol is like like an upside down baseball dimond (i cant really draw it here. one more time thank you so much. (can anyone give my any kind of reading on these "fireflies")

Ps. (again) guys look that the icon as you read this:
peanutbutter jelly time!!!

Hey there Truth Seeker,
Blessings and bless you for what your moving through at this time. There is a passage of experience your moving into and don't worry so much about the outcome.
There is no reason to feel you need to figure it all out right now. Thats just your ego talking. That will make you insane. Take it one day at a time.
If you feel like you have a goal in mind then set your mind to that but don't be dogmatic in such a way that it makes you miserable.
With healing work we learn we have tools at our disposale and its beautiful that were aware we have them.
Your life is about change. Let it be gradual so it doesn't upset the gentle spirit within.
Its like your trying too hard and your moving the cart before the horse. This leads to suffering.
Our Spiritual Father/Mother wouldn't have you suffer at all.
Enjoy the experience of Now for a while. Learn to enjoy what comes your way. See the little things that bring you joy, sadness, the bitter and the sweet.
Learn to be present with yourself and learn to be patient with yourself because no one can love you like you.

Know you are truly blessed, and the blessing,
Jahnavi

thanks. im trying. im trying to shift my mind from the furture to here in the peresent. im trying to realize who i am onew step at a time.

truth_seeker

ONLY WAY TO GO KIDDO!! baby steps I call it,
little at a time or the mind will boggle, you will make sense of it all, but it comes with time & not trying to tackle EVERYTHING in all at once......baby steps... you will make it just as fast!
luv to yer, wendy xxx

Otoharo!

I have read this thread with enjoyment. I remember not having anyone to talk to about myself at that age. Nice to have this board.

finality

Hi, TruthSeeker,
Hugs!Big Hugs! You are one cool dude.
Here's positive energy towards those ACT's!
Send some Reiki energy to the test day!
I definitely think anything we do to clear the space around us could attract more good energy, which might be seen as "fireflies." One of my Chi Gong teachers experienced just that after a group session in a park.......it had just rained the night before and when they finished their practice, she saw them all over!

As for more reading about them, relook at my post, the quote from Valerie Worwood mentions the name of a good article....you might have to hunt for it......I would also try a web search for the term she used. I think it was "orgone dots."

I am going to stretch a thought for you. You said, "A person is not changed by what he thinks. He changes himself through what he does." This is true enough......but add in "and what he allows himself to feel." Just got back from another dynamite workshop today. The spiritual teacher was saying that we don't become transformed in thinking, but through experiencing through the heart.....and then the heart teaches the brain. But it all begins with some "doing". One has to set the intention and focus attention on the path.......

All Blessings to you!
Love,
Feather