The Reiki Cafe 

...how would you handle it? If you knew their issues and they knew their issues but were unable to deal effectively with them, just what would you say to them? I 'm in this kind of situation right now. Some of the issues: feeling the world is out to get them, everytime something goes well in their lives something happens & ruins everything, wanting to be with someone but not trusting that someone, feeling unloved and not understood by parents, friends, lovers, the world at large.

I just don't know how to handle this. Tried to send Reiki to the situation yesterday but hasn't helped so far. The biggest problem is I often feel the same way as my friend so I 'm not the best person to give advice.

I 'm feeling very depressed over it.

Blessings,
Whatever

Dear Whatever,

Your friend needs professional help. Don't try to do it yourself. Try looking up a mental health organization near you, a crisis center, or if need be, just drive her to the ER of the local hospital.

If she's clinically depressed, which it sounds like, she need more than just a sympathetic friend. I've been there, and know I there is hope for her.

Blessings,
Roxy

Dear Whatever,
Ive been there...drove my friend to the ER and later for more intensive treatment. There was a possibility that she would "blame" me for doing it & the friendship might end. There were other people to consider as well, but ultimately, I really had no choice, she was not in a position to help herself & there was no one else who was going to do it. It was incredibly hard to do at the time. I agonized over it. We are still friends & she is in a great place now, stronger & happier. As Roxy said, call the crisis center or just drive her to the ER. Your friend deserves a chance and so do you.

peace & joy,
holobon

Whatever,

It sounds as if your friend is a minor.

Bring the situation to the attention of their parents and/or the school counselor or take them to a clinic where they can get help. Having the strentgh to take action regardless of the person's reaction to us is sometimes the most difficult part to get past.

Something to consider: Which is worse, loosing a friend (if this indeed does happen which likely won't) or your friend giving up their life.

If you have similar feelings it would be a good idea for you to find someone professional you can trust to talk with as well.

Had a similar situation recently with a family member who went so far as to take a handful of pills. When I showed up to take them to the hospital (I had been called by another family member) they were angry but they went with me. If they hadn't I would have called an ambulance and they knew this. (I was also a little pissed myself, I had been called at 1 am and had to drive over an hour to get there :-) so their being pissed was just fine with me :-))

They are now in counseling and doing much better. They are also no longer angry with me because they know that what I did was to help them find a better way of dealing with the situation and helping their self.

On a side note, it wasn't the pain killers that the doctors were concerned about but the amount of tylenol in the pain killers causing their liver to shut down thus killing them. So all you tylenol junkies out there beware, it really is a dangerous drug.

Walk in beauty,
Rebecca

Dear Whatever,
There is no easy way out of your situation. You must be strong for your friend and give support in anyway you feel is nessesary, even if that means losing the friendship. If you believe that this is a true friend, it shouldnt be too hard to decide on how to help in any ways possible.
There is professional help out there, by any and all means try using it.
What can it hurt? Rather, what and who can it help?

I hope this is useful in your decision.

Blessings,
Caron

Otoharo!

When the job I had during the 50's in Georgia, bacame a part of the Comprehensive Mental Health Clinic, I began to be faced with persons who were other than alcoholics. I asked the psychiatrist how to handle the question during the night when such questions began to be raised. He said, since there was nothing I could do, to tell them, I would call the police to come and take them to the hospital (which had this new service there). The next person who called me during the night with this threat to suicide at that moment, I told tham since they were sure, and I could not come there, I would be very glad to call those who could come to their house.

The alcoholic client who had been seeing me for a couple of years prior to this, also called me one night that he had just taken (I forget what but it was a poison). I told him since he had called me, and I could not come, I would call those who could come to take him to the hospital. I did call the police, they did take him to the hospital. I got dressed and went down to the hospital also, and met his father in the waiting room. I was glad to be able to offer help to the father. This client never again threatened. He made progress quickly for him after this event.

In Social work, the guideline is that aberrant behavior had to be stopped before help can be given. These are examples.

finality

Thank you all for the suggestions. Yes, I think professional help will definitely be needed this time. She was in therapy for years but then one day she just stopped. She said she was going round in circles with it. I understand that, I used to feel the same sometimes.

So maybe we should both go back in therapy. I will tell her so, I will be very firm this time. And if our friendship suffers over it, then so be it.

Thank you again.

Blessings,
Whatever

Hi,

Sorry for the late reply. I am on this board very infrequently now. These are all very good suggestions. I hope you follow them.

There is one other thing I want to say. I am not sure how old you are, but have you heard of co-dependancy? If not, look it up on the web and read books on it. In a very brief nutshell, it is when one partner in a relationship / friendship neglects to stop the bad/destructive behaviour in the other partner because it gives them a sense of purpose. So they each become dependant on each other to feed the neverending cycle of destructiveness and ego feeding.

I am not saying that this is what is going on here, but it is worth thinking about, because it is a VERY easy trap to fall into and is very often unnoticed, especially when you are close friends with each other and want to help.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Namaste
Natalie

Hi Natalie,

Yes, I know about co-dependency. I have been co-dependent at times with people in my life. But no, this time, it's definitely not the case. I just want her to get help. In fact, she already made an attempt today. And I did too. I called a friend asking her for the name/number of a good therapist. She didn't have one handy. I 'll be calling more people tomorrow.

Thanks again

Blessings,
Whatever

Hi Natalie,

Yes, I know about co-dependency. I have been co-dependent at times with people in my life. But no, in this case, it's definitely not the case. I just want her to get help. In fact, she already made an attempt today. And I did too. I called a friend asking her for the name/number of a good therapist. She didn't have one handy. I 'll be calling more people tomorrow.

Thanks again

Blessings,
Whatever

Really glad to hear this :-)
Good luck!