The Reiki Cafe 

What does it mean to listen to one's heart? Especially in romantic matters?

I mean if the heart was always right...there wouldn't be such a thing as unrequited love...right??

I get very confused over this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Blessings,
Whatever

Dear Whatever,

IMO, listening to your heart in romantic matters is not all that straightfoward. You can be deceived fantasy, expectations, conditioning, and other influences that I can't think of right now, but I'm sure others can.

As a person who's reached middle age, and went through all the expectations of romance when I was younger, I have different view of love. Hollywood and popular music give a distorted view of what love is really about.

Best wishes, and if the person you think you love doesn't love you, there will be someone who will.

Blessings,
Roxy

Having been married for 19 years and I got married at the ripe age of 18, I have (and my hubby) have a more realistic view of Love.

A few years back I asked hubby if he stilled loved me (yes, very female of me, LOL) He said yes but not in the same way he used to. After sitting with that comment and all my imaginings I asked himto explain.

He said that his love for me had changed, gotten deeper. Not a love of desperation, lust, etc. but one that grows out of facing lifes challenges together, lifting one when the other is down, knowing we are there for each other in so many ways.

"listen to your heart" to me means not jumping to conclusions, let your heart guide you to a slow heart felt decision, one that is love based not fear based.

I wish you luck with whatever you endeavor.

In love and light,
Tracey

Very good question. One I don't truly know the answer to. I do know, however, that my heart has got me into trouble a few times :-)

I have a friend who says the heart cannot be trusted, as it is emotion based. The intellect too cannot be trusted, as it is logic and ego based. He says only intuition and gut instinct can be trusted. It is the illusive third element, that is guided by the higher self or guides and is also a fine meshing of the heart and intellect.

I don't know where he gets this stuff, I think he just made it up but it feels right to his gut. He maintains that remembering that, has always produced the right results for him. The trick is getting to know yourself and how you experience all three. To me, I had always thought of intuition as my heart, but he explained and gave me some examples of why that wasn't the case. I have now started learning to listen to that little voice of intuition that I've smothered for so many years. It takes practice to learn it's language again.

Hope this alternate viewpoint helps in some way. Good Luck!

Namaste
Natalie

Dear Whatever,
The heart sees the warm & human things that the intellect can coldly block. ( the heart is always right, to me, means that it always reflects what is going on inside of you despite your best attempts to intellectualize it). The heart feels what is part of YOU, not necessarily part of the one you love. One of the things I learned as a result of my first serious relationship is that when you love another, even if the other loves you right back, the feelings & thoughts of both are different. Love is not experienced in the exact same way in each individual. The intensity, the reasons, etc. are very personal & not always easy to define or understand. It often defies logic. It can wax & wane & go underground or pop up when you least expect it. When I was younger, I thought that the love in my heart was exactly what the other "felt". It was years later that I realized that this very naive idea was tied into my concept of love. Where that came from I do not know. Perhaps the notion that when two fall in love they become one? I no longer think that way but it was very definitely in my head many years ago.
Listening to your heart simply means to pay attention, not necessarily to let it rule totally. Logic needs the whispers of the heart & vice versa.
Feelings of love may involve lust, chemistry, need, etc. So much goes into the soup & gets mixed up in that instant of attraction or in the moment that one recognizes the intensity of the feeling.
Love may start with "falling in love" but a relationship that works long term for both partners is about more than that. Love for parents, friends, siblings, etc can be just as strong a bond as romantic love yet it is not the same. Sigh, yes, love IS confusing.

peace & joy,
holobon

nats,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- another view is that Intuition is processed thru the heart and mind and subtle bodies - a sifting thru of the information contained in emotion and logic and subtle energy (Intuition not being some separate 'entity')

- the same view would offer that Ego is not easily extricated from mind or heart

- Ego has investment in emotion and logic; ego being quite the "pragmatist", afterall

>:-}}

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Peter,

I think your post is the more usual way Intuition is viewed, right?

I'm beginning to buy the idea that Intuition is separate to mind and heart. Sometimes I get ideas, which go against what my mind and heart say, almost like a 'Knowing' or a voice whispered in my ear. It is separate, in these instances. More often than not, I waste valuable time and energy denying this Knowing, because my mind says it's just my imagination and my heart doesn't want to do the tough stuff. In the end it always seems that the Knowing was correct and I could have avoided alot of pain and time wasted, if I'd just listened in the first place.

I really don't care too much about the semantics or mechanics of this. I only care about learning to recognise that Knowing and having the guts (and faith) to go with it.

Namaste
Natalie

nats,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- I beilieve I suggested that Intuition is more than simply a mind-heart tag-team

bagl

- as for having courage to act on intuition?

- one might be well served to understand how courage may be manifested (not necessarily an intuitive matter especialy if one takes your notion that intuition is something "separate")

>:-}}

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Hi Holobon,

One of the things I learned as a result of my first serious relationship is that when you love another, even if the other loves you right back, the feelings & thoughts of both are different. Love is not experienced in the exact same way in each individual

I think this is the single most useful and important thing anyone has ever said about love. Thanks for presenting this concept here, in these words, that I can understand. If more people understood this, a lot of conflict could be avoided.

Also, I would like to expand on what you said, by saying that, just because that a special someone else may experience your combined love differently, does not mean it is any less meaningful. Different is not neccesaryily less, just different. And there can be great strength found in differences.

Namaste
Natalie

Dear Nats,
You are so right!!Human beings are different in many respects and yet it is often relatively easy, despite differences, to connect & flow with one another...a grand mystery, yes? The differences make it interesting & challenging. Someone "JUST" like you doesnt really challenge you to grow outside the box as much as your opposite.
Relationships are fertile ground for growth. Years ago, a book about the way men & women are raised, the social mores that bind them & the ways they communicate and bond was a bolt of lightening out of the sky for me!. Until then the full realization of how different men & women are in the way they see "love" never hit me, it is truly a miracle that we can ever coexist in the same household! :)

peace & joy,
holobon