The Reiki Cafe 

Dear all,

I have a query about reading body language. We have just moved to a new country, where my husband has a new job with the same organisation as before. I have noticed that sometimes when talking to someone from his new workplace, or talking about his new workplace he crosses his arms across his heart area. He is very left-brained, and I don't think he would know why he does it if I asked him (though I will), but I would like to draw on others experience to help find out why he does it (so I can help him if necessary).

In love and light,

Skybird

Hi Skybird,

I'm no body language expert, but to me that is a defensive or protective stance; like keeping things close to his chest. Maybe he is just feeling a little unsure of himself in his new surroundings and doesn't really want to let on to anyone how he's feeling.

Gentle Blessings
Helen

Defense, keeping things close to chest.being protective. Maybe he doesn't trust the others as yet. Be gentle with him.
On a totally different topic, but as yet related to body language, A friend of mine sat beside be one time at work, we had a bit of a laugh and waffeled a bit. Anyway when he got up to go, he squeezed my thigh stood up and clasped my shoulder. I'm not a very tactile person-ever. And he is, naturally so. This happened a few year ago and am wondering if any of you bright spirits out there have any theory.
He also used to when passing behind me pass his hand across my shoulder blades. One other time he put his had down on the desk where mine was, concidently I moved my hand at same time and he ended up scraping his fingernails lightly over the back of my hand. I'm imagining all sorts.

Skybird,

Hi,

What have you observed about the interactions of other men in the country in which you are at the moment? In some cultures men speak openly with arm and hand movements. In other cultures the arms are kept more quiescent or as you describe crossed at the chest.

You might look on-line at some of the tourist Board sites for the country in question. Often there are tips for tourists as to social etiquette, etc. And don't sell your husband so short. He may know exactly why he crosses his arms (especially if this is not habitual).

:)

Cheers,

RC

Dear All,

Thank you for your very helpful suggestions. I did ask him last night and he said he did it because in this culture it is seen as aggressive to stand with hands on hips, and he needed somewhere to place his arms, but he also said it was for comfort (which would tie in with the protectiveness). I will be gentle with him! I think I intuitively knew partly why he did it but I couldn't put it into words. It was strange for me as he is normally very confident.

That aside it is a fascinating experience living in another culture and being in a minority for the first time (to the extent of people asking if they can take our daughters photos because their fair hair makes them unusual here).
We have been made very welcome.

In love and light,

Skybird

Greetings---
When I do that gesture myself it feels very child-like, as if there ought to be a blankie there....was he particularly attached to a blanket or toy as a child? Really does seem like a "comfort" thing.
Blessings to you and your family.
Hanhepi Wi winyan

jaguar said on

> Anyway when he got up to go, he squeezed my thigh stood up and clasped my shoulder.
>He also used to when passing behind me pass his hand across my shoulder blades. One other time he put his had down on the desk where mine was, concidently I moved my hand at same time and he ended up scraping his fingernails lightly over the back of my hand. I'm imagining all sorts.

Is he a lot older then you? Have you known him for a long time? I'd find it a bit odd if he were near your age or someone you just met. If you are pretty young and he old then it might be just a fatherly type of affection.

If you just met him or around the same age then I'd personally be very uncomfortable with the thigh squeezing and hand touching.
Many men put their hands on someones back to guide them to move or when they are speaking. My husband does this to me all of the time.

If you are uncomfortable with this then you probably have a reason to be uncomfortable. Use your instinct, you are probably correct.

Actually, at the time, which is 3 year ago, he was 26 an me 32 or thereabouts. I was attracted to him, but I let it pass. If he had said something, but I'm glad not. Some people are just tactile, they take it from their genes, what they see growing up, or whatever. I still have a soft spot for him though and wish him well. I doubt there were anything there, I hope not.
Due to things that happened in the past, I felt very young, my life experiences were few and so these thingsfelt very big to me, I just wondered what others thought.