The Reiki Cafe 

Hi everyone,
My moans and groans about someone who is always talking about illnesses. I've not acknowledged that part of the conversation lately and she's gotten worse! It's only intensified. Yikes. I guess I will have to just drop my server and change my number or tell her to stop talking about her new symptoms. Why is this bothering me so? Still. Maybe it 's fear of her death. I could tell her to stop talking so much about every symptom and going on and on about her health problems. Maybe I will just ignore her and wish her well. This has been going on for years and years.
peace,
Prosperity

Hi Prosperity,

It's got worse because she's not getting the expected reaction anymore from you. Perhaps just gently changing the subject when she does it to something else you both have in common might distract her. You have to remember that this is something that is obviously deeply ingrained within her.

Gentle Blessings
Helen

Dear Helen,
Thank you for that wisdom. I needed to hear that as it makes sense.
peace,
Prosperity

Dear Prosperity.....also, sounds very similar to head injury behavior....called, perseveration....an individual is trapped in a continuing loop....what would normally inhibit such behavior has lessened and what would normally excite has increased. Cells have changed to enhance the behavior....
Helen's words are what we'd normally do for folks with this tendency.....redirect. But I believe you need a break from the kindly lost person....

Dear Pondering,

Thanks for your response. I believe she was in a car accident years ago but don't know if her injuries were significant. I believe the schools of thought about what you focus on expands and constantly talking about illness would be to me to perpetuate it and scare yourself.

And I would think she would know that as she is a voracious reader and quite intelligent yet I believe she plays too much on the victim poor me game to manipulate people into doing things that she can really do herself and she gets alot of attention as well. So, I am grateful to hear others good points of view such as yours so I can remember to have compassion and patience as that carries alot of wait. And I do believe I will have to deal with her less and less and pray for her and send her Reiki as she does request it from me.

Thanks again!

Peace,

Prosperity

you're very welcome

Dear Prosperity,

Have you actually suggested to her to "talk as if and act as if you are well", indicating that you make this suggestion so that her sub-conscious gets a message that it's time to heal/be well, rather than constantly re-inforcing the mind with "I am sick".

You can even blame me for this if she reacts negatively, just saying it was some information you received from a healthcare practitioner who has found that acting and speaking as if a situation is different can contribute to the outcome hoped for...

If this isn't accepted as palatable for her, then chances are she is very invested in the return she gets for her complaints (i.e., the sympathy, listening ears, get well cards etc mean more to her than regaining her health).

I agree with Ponderings that it may be time to vet your phone calls before you answer, and allow yourself some space.

Is it also possible that you worry that you might have a tendency in the desire to have someone listen to you the way she tries to make you listen to her, yet you realise this isn't a behaviour you want for yourself? Sometimes when we fall into that category, the issue grates even more. Please realise I'm not saying you're like that, just that there might be something in you that recognises the attraction to have someone listen to your woes without expecting you to listen to theirs... In other words, no exchange or fair sharing.

Good luck with it all,

Suzibeth

Dear Suzibeth,
I could do that and I doubt she would get mad. She may just act like she knows it already etc., has tried it all etc. I will take your suggestion into serious consideration.
thanks,
Prosperity