The Reiki Cafe 

Hi everyone,

I was just thinking about me, myself and I... §:)

I have difficulties dealing with self-confidence and to be emotional resilient at times. Since self-confidence and health goes hand in hand perhaps there is someone out there interested in health and healing having some experience to share about this topic. Also I have heared that many Americans are self-confident. Where do you find the spirit?

Eh... Is this off-topic? I'm getting uncertain here... Oh, yes I lack humor as well. Kind of dull... whatever... there... posted

Max

Max,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- I have heard Swedes (perhaps not all) can be quite self-confident

>:-}}

- and, there are plenty of Americans with confidence issues of one sort or another

- lack of confidence is not often a 'global' thing with folks (there may be areas of their lives where they have plenty of confidence)

>:-}}

- you said: "Where do you find the spirit?"

- to what spirit do you refer?

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Firekeeper,

/*\

By spirit I mean something inner, something which is an essence of yourself.

To bring forward the spirit of the true self...

Speaking about nationalities is never a great way to refer to problems of a psychological nature, I admit that. However, some cultures are known to be more focused on the achievement of individuals than others. Whenever wherever, I want to avoid prejudices.

Perhaps it is better to speak about words themselves (their meaning), at least to make sure that we speak about the same thing. I hope I'm not getting to philosophical here.

I think about 'self-confindence' as a set of beliefs a person holds about him-/her-self. It is about trusting oneself. Correct me if I'm wrong here.

The lack of self-confidence is one of my greater personal problems and I see that it has something with my spiritual path to do. It gets in the way.

Of course, some people deny that there is a self and some deny the existence of souls. Some people are less radical in their beliefs and simply deny the existence of higher selves.

Returning to your question, Firekeeper, by spirit I refer to the true or higher self that is pure 'me'.

My $0.02

Max

Max,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- You have now said: ".....by spirit I refer to the true or higher self that is pure 'me'."

- so, it seems you have answered the question you offered in your initial Post: "Where do you find the spirit?"

>:-}}

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Otoharo!

It sounds like you are asking, where do we find the courage. It certainly takes courage to be oneself. To trust that who we are is enough. We are not required to be other than who we are.

This is a lovely topic, thanks for opening it up.

I have a very large poster which I have mounted. It is a guy on a horse . The horse has the pose of submissiveness. Out of the fog and mist in the background, rises an enormousely tall neck with a dragon head towering over all with indications on the horizon of the tip of dragon wings. the incription says, "It takes courage!"

It takes the greatest amount of courage to just be me.

finality

OK, here's a little tip: imagine how you would feel if you were self-confident...imagine what you would do, how you would talk, your mannerisms, just come up with as many details of your "imaginary" self-confident self and then just be that person!

Hope that helped.

Blessings,
Whatever

Thanks Firekeeper for finding the problem
Thanks Finality for finding the question
Thanks Whatever for finding an answer

Now I just got to make things happen...
Max

Dear Max,
Sometimes it's refreshing to find someone who is not so self confident. Like intentions, sometimes it's egoic. So just know of ourselves we can do nothing;. We can invite Creator, God , HP whatever into our lives but our lower nature cannot contact God;.
peace,
Prosperity

Otoharo!

Prosperity, I do not comprehend. what do you mean that our lower nature can not contact God. Isn't that the part that does?

finality

Prosperity,
Thanks for letting me be refreshing (hint hint).

To start out I am just checking to see whether we're on the same page...

As I see it, there are different levels of self-confidence ranging from the extreme hubris, that we are superior or equivalent to gods, to simpler forms of self-confidence, such as realizing that I am a social animal. Somewhere in-between these poles apart lies a realization of what it is like to be human. I do not simply mean that we recognize our status as such and such, rather that we realize our potential (and are able to act accordingly).

In humanistic psychology, as I recall it, the self-confidence of a person is dependent on a relation between her self-image and her ideal self. If the self-image is equal to the ideal self, then there is no trouble. If the self-image is far from reaching the ideal image of self, then self-confidence is low. By this model, the basis for overly self-confident people can be explained as well.

Merriam-Websters Online Dictionary tells us that "self-confidence" is "confidence in oneself and in one's powers and abilities".

I believe, that our efforts are dependent on our attitude toward ourselves. I call this attitude self-confidence and I consider it to be a reflection upon our true selves.

Walking the middle path,
Max

Hi there

ivoryraven said:
>"In humanistic psychology, as I recall it, the self-confidence of a person is dependent on a relation between her self-image and her ideal self. If the self-image is equal to the ideal self, then there is no trouble. If the self-image is far from reaching the ideal image of self, then self-confidence is low. By this model, the basis for overly self-confident people can be explained as well."

A very interesting hypothesis.

I think I have become a lot more self confident and resilient over time. In my personal experience, that was not brought about by bringing the self-image in line with the "ideal self". But rather realising that the "ideal self" is often conditioned on the expectations snd judgements of other people and broader society. By letting go of the "ideal self", one can start to appreciate the actual self - in all its beauty and its ugliness, in its wonder and its mediocrity. And one starts to relax into oneself, being easy in one's skin. This creates a sense of self-confidence. Being non-judgmental towards the self builds one's capacity to be non-judgmental and tolerant towards other people. As people respond positively to this, it fosters even more self-esteem and self confidence.

Another aspect of emotional resilience is to build the convision in oneself that whatever life throws at you, you are able to deal with it and to learn from the experience. After all, you got yourself so far, haven't you?

from

Strelizia

Otoharo!

Very well stated. I do not hold to a ideal either. Its great to just be me. And now we know there is not judgement.

finality

Hi Strelizia,

I like the idea that

"Being non-judgmental towards the self builds one's capacity to be non-judgmental and tolerant towards other people. As people respond positively to this, it fosters even more self-esteem and self confidence."

I think we should take notice of that this does not imply that being less self-confident is being less confident in others. Think about it.

Thanks for the input / bigger picture
Max

Dear Finality,
By the lower self, some say ego, can only "invite" God or Creator into our lives or pray for or give thanks to--not dictate to-- as God, Goddess or Spirit comes when invited in it's his/her own time. So, contacting by lower self which is in itself isolated, self admiring, arrogant, not from the heart etc., could be most likely neurotic or grandiose mental thinking perhaps. Does the Divine respond to the ego may be the bigger question. tHE EGO is only supposed to be the messenger for us, nothing more than that and what does that have to do with self-confidence? Well I quess, understanding that the ego will try to destroy our essence to control us which will leave us afraid.
peace,
Prosperity

Otoharo!

Preosperity, very well described. thank you so much.

finality

Dear Finality,
Really? I'm not so self-confident and you're welcome. Glad I made sense.. Thank you as well.
peace,
Prosperity

strelizia said
> In my personal experience, that was not brought about by bringing the self-image in line with the "ideal self". But rather realising that the "ideal self" is often conditioned on the expectations snd judgements of other people and broader society. By letting go of the "ideal self", one can start to appreciate the actual self - in all its beauty and its ugliness, in its wonder and its mediocrity. And one starts to relax into oneself, being easy in one's skin. This creates a sense of self-confidence.

How very well put, strelizia.

Having self confidence is not about being perfect, or fulfilling others' expectations, it's about loving (or at least liking!) yourself just as you are. I believe that people who are naturally self confident had parents who loved & accepted them exactly as they were as kids.

dear max...

"Now I just got to make things happen..."

and isn't that often the hardest part of all....I mean..
I know what I do wrong...most of it, anyway....have an inkling what I do right...because that's easier to love...know what direction I should be headed in....but often get stuck in the same old patterns....and then, it all seems like a viscious cycle....but I agree with the folk...thank you for starting this....thank you for being brave enough to be vulnerable...and thanks for all the insight.

whoosh, Strelizia, good words! I hadn't read down far enough..

Thais.....I still hadn't read down far enough...even more good words....thank you.

Otoharo!

This is where reiki is so magnificent in its scope. From reiki I have the gumption and empetus to choose to act. It takes choice first. I feel reiki as backup always of all my choices. Also, I have a mentor. Mentors are heaven sent, at least in my case they have been. "When the student is ready, the teacher appears!"

finality