The Reiki Cafe 

Existential boredom... worst condition by far. Nothing excites me right now. Plus the powers that be keep sending me messages not to give up five minutes before the "miracle" occurs. What miracle you might ask... Yeah, not sure, they 're probably referring to my love life where I 'm dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. I really don't think I can go on like this anymore... Maybe my existential boredom masks a deep-seated depression... Yeah, it probably does even though I don't want to admit it... I really have tried so hard to heal this, it has defied my best efforts. I don't understand, isn't freedom one of God's attributes? Is it possible that the messages I receive to forgive my ex come from Him since I have stated and made it very clear that I cannot forgive this kind of betrayal? I just cannot. Maybe I 'm not that strong. I don't care. I should at least have the freedom to forgive when I 'm ready and my refusal to do so should not create such an energetic blockage in my life as I 've been feeling for years & years...

This is definitely spiritually incorrect of me but all I want right now is revenge. I wanna see him cry over me the way I cried over him, I wanna see him publicly humiliated to make it up to me for trying to humiliate/ridicule me too and make a fortune out of it too. Can you believe this? What kind of a man would do that to a woman? And then forgive him? NO! Not only hasn't he ever apologized but he's enjoying what he's been doing to me... I don't get it... Please don't tell me this is karma because I don't believe people in one life should have to atone for things they may have done in another life. Because simply they are not really the same person! It's like expecting Robert De Niro, who plays a good guy in his current movie, to atone for playing the bad guy in his last movie. How's that fair or relevant? But even if I did hurt this man in another life, I tried to apologize to him once. Yes, I even tried that! Because I always felt I knew him from previous lives and had some memories too. But nothing of this magnitude, nothing that would even remotely justify what he has done and is still doing to me.

Only same life/instant karma makes sense to me. But why aren't the powers that be teaching him a lesson and instead, allow him to gloat over all his so-called accomplishments and his ability to hurt me?

I don't get it. I wish I had a way to put an end to this. If I could commit suicide without thinking what that would do to my family, I would, I swear.

Dear Whatever,

I think, since suicide is on your mind even slightly, that it is probable that you are, indeed, depressed. And yes, not being excited over anything is also a sign of depression. It would be wise to get help.

Another thing about depression is that it distorts your thoughts and feelings. It could be that if you get treatment for your depression, your thoughts about this man might be different.

You have my best wishes to feeling better. I hope it straightens out for you.

Blessings,
Roxy

Hi,

I think that recognising and dealing with the depression and underlying anger would be the first steps and I would definately recommend seeing a health professional,if you haven't already done so.

Deeply held anger that has no outlet can often turn into depression. Spiritual or not, wanting revenge is a completely natural and very human reaction/response to anger. In my opinion forgiving isn't about forgetting or making everything that someone has done to you ok. It's more about learning to let go of the emotions and in doing so setting yourself free from the things that bind you to someone. When I was going through a rough time a friend read me a phrase from a spiritual book she was reading which said 'we each hold the key to our own prison'. At the time I didn't really 'get it', but over the years it has made more and more sense to me.

Peace and Blessings
Helen

Otoharo!

Both of the forgoing posts are wise and I agree with them. You can not sort out your true feelings because there is too much stuff in your way. Perhaps what I mean to say is that where your thoughts dwell right now, stand in the way of knowing your real self and the feelings that dwell deep in you, your God self.

finaltiy

Thank you for your thoughtful replies.

I don't know if I want to go back in therapy... I feel like been there, done that, got a dozen T-shirts...

I feel a bit better tonight, partly because I made an effort to have a proper meal. For the past week I 'd been eating very little... lost some weight that may have contributed to the listlessness.. I mean, I was already very slim...

But tonight, I made the effort... that's good... and tomorrow I 'll make another effort to go out in the evening... I just need to have some fun... been crying oceans over the whole thing...

Anyway, there must be a way out of this... Just need recover my faith once again...

I really appreciate your supportive words. I don't really like talking about this whole mess in real life...

I also need to mention that as a person, I tend to get depressed over existential matters as well as minutiae... I generally find it hard to deal with the madness of this world day in day out... And I need to acknowledge that this is my personal thing that doesn't relate directly to this man. Even if he didn't exist, I 'd still be hypersensitive... It's important to make that distinction cause when I get depressed over him, I think he's my only problem... And that is not so...

Blessings,
Whatever

Dear whatever,

You sound like a person of strong essence. But most of your energy is escaping out a wound that You are helping to keep raw and unhealed. We do that sometimes........actually often... cling to disease or dysfunction. Like the stress, demands and trauma of it makes one lose sight of living a different way. A happier way.

namaste,
Michael

whatever,

- you said, in part: "I also need to mention that as a person, I tend to get depressed over existential matters as well as minutiae... I generally find it hard to deal with the madness of this world day in day out... And I need to acknowledge that this is my personal thing that doesn't relate directly to this man. Even if he didn't exist, I 'd still be hypersensitive... It's important to make that distinction cause when I get depressed over him, I think he's my only problem... And that is not so..."

- this is really quite discerning and aware and a great source from which to draw in your work

- yet, as you note, sometimes sorting this out when we are down and stressed is difficult which is where sometimes the input from others, including therapists, may help us focus a bit and re-frame stuff

- yet, in the end, it is we who are the source of our suffering, not others

- take care,

Reiki All Around,

All Blessings,

Firekeeper

Oh, yeah, you 're both right, it is me who's allowed/allowing this to happen on some level... But when I 'm feeling all this stuff, I cannot see this... As a result, I end up feeling betrayed by God... cause ultimately, that's the thing, this man is just a man after all, fallible in more ways than one, but God, why... why have so many of my prayers gone unanswered...

It hurts like hell to ask and not be given... Maybe I don't know how to pray, maybe I need to believe in God's answer before I experienced it... But sometimes I have, why didn't the miracle happen then?

I don't know... got a bunch of tough questions going through my mind...

I tried to practice gratitude today... thanking God for everything in my life, the positive along with the negative... It did work for a while... Then I felt upset and I stopped... I 'll try once more before I go to bed... and then tomorrow...

Thanks again

Blessings,
Whatever

Otoharo!

I am giving you the feedback I got from Xaris many years ago. she said God has already provided all our needs, the only prayer is "Thank You" Since that day, I have remembered this and find it very helpful. Actually, God already knows what you need and what you want. There is always a greater answer than we can be aware of.

finality

whatever,

Hi,

Prayer is really no more than a question or supplication the way you talk about it. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the answer is, essentially, you have to wait to find out. You cannot have god be what you want it to be and also be something beyond your knowledge and experience. We each have the gift to be able learn the tools we need to get thru our lives. That is not to say we all learn all of these things during the first lifetime (or even many subsequent lives). So, karmically speaking, one foot in front of the other and eventually we will comprehend and tame Ego and get off this freaking wheel. :)

Cheers (Janis Joplin had a message in her song that started: "Oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.........."),

RC

Dear re.....,
Maybe God is answering and you're not listening because you don't know how which isn't a put down as many people listen to the astral rather than the God mind which can be a huge distraction so the answer from God ends up being "the experience." Either learn from it or get help with the aid of a counselor to learn from it so as not to repeat it.
Peace,
Prosperity

Sometimes people hear only what they want to hear...

whatever said on

>... I don't get it... Please don't tell me this is karma because I don't believe people in one life should have to atone for things they may have done in another life. Because simply they are not really the same person!
>

Dear whatever,

You / they are the same person. It took me awhile to swallow it as well. It's still weired to think about but the concept but it is comfortable feeling now.

As far as atonement; I'll give you the real inside scoop :
The good news is that you don't get judged by God, St. Peter or anyone else. You get judged by yourself; past life review.

Ditch the atonement concept. That implies punishment. Totally not the case. You judge your own self in the afterlife. With the help of trusted others you figure out your pastlife and what karmic lessons you worked thru and which ones still need work. Based on that 'you' & friends / guides plan for your next incarnation and the karmic lessons that you should go with it.

The afterlife gets better though: After you get your next incarnation plan ironed out you don't have leave right away. You can hang out for a while. It's really great I hear. But what happens is that if one has karmic lessons unrequited, one becomes very restless in 'heaven' after a time. Most plan out some to 'time' to stay in 'heaven' knowing that's a vacation and eventually it's reincarnation time. Back to work.

If it was not for this cycle and progression, all the transitioned souls would stay in 'heaven'. No babies.

I came to realize at some point a few years ago that the karmic lessons i don't get past in this incarnation I'll have to do over in the next. That scared me straighter.

From your posts I'm sure you can see with me how the preamble; the painful years of brewing leading up to a challenging karmic issue is not something that one would want to have to go thru in the next incarnation. If you can help it.

I straight up see my next incarnation as totally real. I have a bit of insider info on that but that's a different tangent. I see my next incarnation as my child or younger sibling. The more spiritual / karmic effort I put in now, the less schiznit that my young, tender (and wiser), future self will have to endure.

Every living person carries an unborn child, them-self.

namaste,
michael

arati said...

I won't quote, but what an interesting slant.
Something for me to dwell on. I enjoyed the preamble, but I find that it could be a bit of a cop out.(or is it me copping out>) What if all they say about heaven and god and hell is real? And that there is no such thing as reincarnation? I'm only throwing this out as a "what if" But the reverse is true as well, What if all about what the aforementioned has said is true as well?
I'm of the thought that everything is true. So I don't reject someone elses view just 'cause I don't like it. I try and accept it instead with maybe a sense of compassion.
As one of the principles state. I'm not going to worry about it unduly.
I'll leave that to another day, and bagl.

Otoharo!

Michael, this is a magnificent post. thanks.

finality

RC- the whole thing about unanswered prayers goes very deep psychologically speaking. Meaning, it brings up a lot of issues that most humans have not resolved anyway so I feel kinda OK about it. It might take a few lifetimes to change, I 'm in no rush. What I don't understand is why am I feeling that everyone else is...

In anycase, I won't be forced into forgiving before I 'm ready!

Michael, as long as I don't feel the same person with my preincarnations, I cannot take responsibility for anything done by them. At least, not anymore cause as I explained in my original post, I did once apologize to this man for what I might have done to him in past lives. And when I did that, I meant it all the way.

About not being judged by God- If I truly ain't , as I too would like to believe, and if it is just me who's passed judgement on myself and created this karmic response, then can't His Grace at least release me from what I 'm not releasing myself? Cause that's what lots of my prayers have been about. I don' get that part...

Blessings,
Whatever

whatever,

Hi,

Force you to forgive? I would be unbelievably presumptuous to think such a thing; and certainly would never attempt to do so. You will forgive when you are ready to do so. Whether sooner or later (this life or the next or the next), at all times the appropriate Karma will accrue.

Cheers,

RC

Otoharo!

I am not sure really what you are saying. No one, even God, can do for you what you must do for yourself, can they? If the feelings are yours, why ask someone else to resolve them? Even God? You owe it to yourself.

finaltiy

whatever said on

>
>..........In anycase, I won't be forced into forgiving before I 'm ready! ..........
>
>
>Blessings,
>Whatever

Dear Whatever Blessings,

Not to worry. That is a very typical reaction I hear. I'll probably have a similar response to some karmic topic of my own come the 'time'. Most people do I imagine to one degree or another.

But then after some of "vacation" one realizes they are not ready for 'heaven'. Those pesky unresolved karmic issues keep harshing the buzz.

You bring up a good point: If we were aware of all pastlife experiences the mental burden would be too great. But after that there's the idea about " A stitch in time saves nine".

namaste,
michael