The Reiki Cafe 

Greetings all,
I have few spiritually-oriented friends, so I don't know where else to go with this one:
I am lately having the specific trouble of not being able to understand how a person can care/love another without being able to let them know in ANY way. How does one stay silent when they know they cause another pain?

I keep running into this in my life. My parents love me in their way, but have a tendency to be cruel to my brother and I, and are rarely caring: NEVER respectful of our emotions. I dated a man who loved me deeply, but would not do anything to show me, even when asked him to and told him I wasn't sure he cared anymore...he even chose to loose me rather than just pick a flower for me or say he loved me or ANYTHING to show he cared (and now, a year later, he still wishes he had done something). I just lost a friend, also, because she sunk into her own world and started acting annoyed when I came around, and never tried to contact me herself. Mutual acquaintances tell me she cares, so why did she not let me know what was going on, or at least say "I care for you, but I need a time out to deal with my life." My boyfriend now is far more affectionate than these others, but still has moodswings where he is cold, or takes a very nasty tone of voice with me for no apparent reason (we're working on this).

I am trying very hard to choose to be near people who will treat me at least with some decency. Who will be honest, forthright, affectionate, and compassionate. I very much beleive it is a current life lesson...hard work after my parents' treatment. But still, I feel I must be missing something. I feel I should try to understand why these people behave so. If I didn't I would not feel compassionate enough myself.

Does anyone in this chat room have some insight, or "get it?" regarding the behavior of these people? Is it my job to be understanding of them, or to leave them behind on my path toward fellow humans who will treat me with a little respect? So far, I have just been confused and hurt by them. After trying my best to be clear with them, I have had to just leave them as kindly as possible, not knowing what else to do. But I still can't understand them, and I still can't figure out why they keep appearing in my life!
There must be something I'm not "getting" or the pattern would release, I think!

Thoughts? Help!
Thank you all, and Blessings around!

Jennith,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

It seems one of the most difficult precepts to keep Mindful of is that our Karma is built out of the effects of "our" actions and reactions to the journey that is this life - and each life.

- one of the quintessential ways to "create" Karma one will not have to resolve in lives to come is Compassionate Action

- and the opportunity for Compassionate Action may arise from any scenario

- Compassionate Action does NOT, however, mean one must accept abuse.

>:-}}

Hope this Helps,

Reiki all around,

all blessings,

Firekeeper

Dear Gentle Jennith,

I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I feel in a position to respond because I understand. I too seem to experience what I feel is an inordinate amount of indifference and/or cruelty. But I've come to I believe people like us are just too sensitive and expect too much! Although we feel we merely want to play by the Golden Rule, perhaps we too have ways of hurting others of which we aren't aware.

Life isn't so tough, it's how we choose to react that can make or break the experience. Although we can't help how we feel, we can choose to react (at least on the surface) in a positive way. You are wise to try to keep blatanly 'poisonous distractions' from your life but I've found the best course is to have a good cry and then let it go.

Much love and success,
DKO

Namaste jennith11!
By the mere fact that you have identified and want to break a pattern is admirable. Everyone of us have our own way of expression and non-expression of emotion. Obviously you are different in your expression and needs than your parents and previous boyfriend. To your credit, you have realized that you are worthy of better. Remember that! Honour yourself! You deserve all the wonders and the best the universe has to offer! You can not change others, but you can change your response to unacceptable behaviour. You can choose not to be treated unkindly. Once you identify that type behaviour, you can reply how you do not desrve to be treated in that manner, and remove yourself from the situation. Hard to do with people close to you like your parents, I know. Keep centered and true to yourself. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves from people who are always negative. Utilize the power of choice....choose to be positive and surrounded by others of the same nature.
I wish you all the best in your quest to break the pattern, and start new patterns in your life.
((HUG)) & Blessings.......z

Hi Jennith,

Namaste,

I agree with Z...

One thing we come to eventually realize, when it hits us enough times, is that our expectations of life, friendship, etc, are going to be different than others.

You may believe in being affectionate, loving, and showing that to others you care about. That other person, for their own reasons, do not have to have the same compassion.

One day sit down and make a list of what is important to you to have in a friend. All the attributes that make a friend a friend, and a lover a lover. Which of these are important: and what about them is important. physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, finacially, sexuality.

One thing that I did some time ago was make certain requests of my guides, that the friends that came into my life would have certain atributes...and reciprocation was one of them. That my affection toward them was returned in kind. So far it has worked very well.

One sided love is not love. If a person is not capable of showing love to you, perhaps they simply are not loving people, or they don't love themselves, or you.

Blessings,

Priestess

Dear jennith11,

Negative patterns in our life have a purpose..a golden purpose, actually :to draw attention to what is out of balance.
No one here can really tell you WHY the pattern is in your life, that is between you & God ( see Firekeeper response).
There was a time in my life when I seemed to draw all the wrong people to me. I felt like I had a sign on my forehead.."SUCKER".....It took me a long time to realize that God wasnt doing this to me (punishment) I was doing it to myself. We may not be able to control who wanders into our lives but we do have control over how we respond to those whose paths we cross. Kindness & gentleness are positive qualities that some people will take advantage of, sometimes it draws people who need that in their life because they have been so down trodden. But it is their responsibility to evolve, not ours. Our responsibility is to offer a hand in friendship/love but not necessarily to accept abuse. Bottom line, Jennith, know that you are worthy of love & respect & walk away from those who do not treat you with respect & love. Sometimes the best thing we do for others is to walk away & force them to look deep inside. Each painfull experience that we encounter is a tremendous opportunity for growth & evolution toward balance. WE establish a pattern when we dont learn the lesson & move on, when we keep attracting these situations.
You say you do not have many spiritually oriented friends & I would guess that that this is a good thing to spend some time thinking about. When we surround ourselves with people who are not focused on the qualities that we want to show up in our lives, we are fighting an uphill battle all the way. It is not easy to let go of the familiar but for most of us, at some point, we realize that we just need to reorganize our way of thinking to manifest what we want in our world.
Try not to focus too much on "WHY is this happening to me?"...that is a focus on ego & will throw you into an intellectual analysis..just accept that it is happenning & visualize what it is you want to happen & see it happening in your mind's eye. Stand in front of a mirror & look at yourself with love in your heart & with respect, know that you are a child of God & deserve to attract people to you that will treat you with love & respect...this takes some time, the first impulse is to resist because all the garbage comes up that tells you that you dont deserve to be loved & respected...let it come up & let it it go. If you believe in angels, see them at your sides & behind you, supporting you, giving you love & strength.
Reiki yourself daily & surround yourself with God's white light, see yourself surrounded by a force field of God's white light that draws positive people & emotions to you & repels negative people & emotions. Do this every day.. even if you only have a few moments a day, do what you can. It is important to start your day like this until it becomes habit.
What you will find is that if you are willing to do the work, if you are willing to change, it will happen. But you must be patient, it is not an instantaneous thing, it takes a while for us establish an unhealthy pattern & time to undo it.
Jennith, many of us have been exactly where you are. You are by no means alone.
Sorry for going on & on.

peace, love & joy,
holobon

Our outside cercumstances, and relationships mirror to us what is going on inside of us. Take some time to "look inside".

Namaste,

I can completely understand what you are saying, and to an extent, what you are feeling, as I am sure everyone here does also. I think you may find some, if not many answers, in Harville Hendrix's book "getting the love you want".

I have read this book several years back, and not being the first, however, I was able to make a clear connection of what my pattern was, and why...more importantly, I then had a better understanding of how to go about breaking it/clearing it. I am still in the process, but understanding the why's of it all makes a huge difference. I know now that I am sane, and can accomplish this set task. You can too...with "your" appropriate knowledge. We all have our own.

Good luck to you. Hope you do read the book (it is an easy read).
Blessings, love, and peace, to you and yours,
Dina

Namaste,
Thank you so much everyone who responded to my posting above! I absorbed every message, amazed and pleased at your wisdom and caring! I will do my best to apply your wonderful advice, and to generally embrace the unfolding of myself and my life. I think I have spent too much time mulling over "why is this happening to me?" and too little time nurturing positive repsonses in myself...and ones that attract the same. I will as always, continue to look inside.
Again, thank you for your insight and support! It's all deliciously more than I could have hoped for, and more helpful than you may know!
My heart to you each,
Jennith