The Reiki Cafe 

It's with a very heavy heat I write tonight.One of my very bestfriends of 20 years lost her battle with cancer. She left behimnd three children ages 11 and a set of 4 year old twins. I have never experienced such grief as I have with this loss. She was one of six girls we all lived together in college 20 years ago and have keep up our friendship over the years,sharing all of life's important moments. I know she did not want to leave her children behind in this world without a mother and her husband without a spouse.
During the last year or so Shelly who was always private chose to save her energy for her immediate family this I understood. Not all of the others understood this. I was very disturbed today of negative talk about my friend by other friends. They felt left out of the process that shelly somehow owed them a greater part of her life than she allowed in the end. What makes people act in such distasteful and mean ways to someone who they cared? This don't understand. Thank you Beth

Dear Beth,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You know how to love unconditionally and without expectations. Many do not know. You are fortunate to be able to love freely. When we love with conditions and expectations, it only weighs upon us. I have a friend who was going through some rough times and tuned all of her friends out during the crisis. It was hard because we wanted to show love but did not know how. We felt helpless. Perhaps your other friends just wanted to somehow show their love, but did not know how. Maybe they felt guilty, so placed "blame" on Shelly. We are all doing the best we can, I believe. I am sure they are hurting and just trying to make sense of this as best they can.

It is so painful to think especially of her children, isn't it? So innocent, so needing, hearts so wounded. I pray that all of you will find healing. And I send Reiki to your heart.
Love,
Feather

Dear Beth,
My heart goes out to you and your friend's family for the loss you have all suffered.

It is very difficult for some people to understand the essence of loving unconditionally (in fact I would probably say that the majority had difficulty with this). We bring personal experiences and expectations to any relationship and how we deal with them determines the person we are.

Part of the grieving process is anger and guilt - and people lash out at those who have left them behind for leaving them to their feelings of guilt (actual or perceived) and will not usually admit to themselves that this is the reason for them lashing out. Each person has to come to terms with their own grief.

Unfortunately all you can do is to remember the good times, share them with those around if you can, but try not to get too upset if they don't react in the way that you think they should/is the most appropriate.

If they were her true friends the pain will ease (for most if not all) and their anger will fade, but please try not to take the anger in, just quietly remind the others when the time is right of the positives.

Each person tries to cope the best way they can (whether consciously or subconsciously)....this includes your friend, her family and all her friends and acquaintances.

It is a painful time that each must work through - all each can do is be there for the other when the time is right and the need acknowledged.

I too send my prayers to you all.
Love,
AR

THank you for yyour kindness and support I can not think of her children without crying. Her presence will be such a grave loss to them. I am wondering if my psyche knew in advance of this passing comingas if you remember Icould not cry for all the events of Sept 11 and know I can not seem to rise above my grief. I can feel the Reiki in my heart . Blessings Beth

Thank you for your kindness. Blessings Beth