The Reiki Cafe 

It's with a very heavy heat I write tonight.One of my very bestfriends of 20 years lost her battle with cancer. She left behimnd three children ages 11 and a set of 4 year old twins. I have never experienced such grief as I have with this loss. She was one of six girls we all lived together in college 20 years ago and have keep up our friendship over the years,sharing all of life's important moments. I know she did not want to leave her children behind in this world without a mother and her husband without a spouse.
During the last year or so Shelly who was always private chose to save her energy for her immediate family this I understood. Not all of the others understood this. I was very disturbed today of negative talk about my friend by other friends. They felt left out of the process that shelly somehow owed them a greater part of her life than she allowed in the end. What makes people act in such distasteful and mean ways to someone who they cared? This don't understand. Thank you Beth

Beth,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

I can feel your sorrow.

I know Shelly shared what she could -

- and we must come to accept that sometimes (even often) people do not love us just exactly as we wish or (sometimes) as we feel we need -

- but they love us nonetheless.

- if there is anything we can do let us know -

- the amount of energy that can come from this group here at The Cafe is - well - beyond words

>:-}}

- and for me that is a lot

bagl.

Reiki all around,

all blessings,

firekeeper

Namaste mdsmom,

I am sorry for your pain, and loss. I am at a loss for words as to what her kids must be feeling now. Blessings to you all, in this time of grief.

I feel and believe that we all do what we can with what we have and what we know at that time. That is the best that we can do. I also feel that such an illness and dying is a private matter. Like religion, we all deal and connect with it differently. I am glad that you at least were able to understand and appreciate the position that Shelly was in. This fact might give you just enough comfort to be able to deal with this well... as well as you can.

I am sorry that I cannot give you much more comfort, for I wish I could. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.

Blessings to you, and yours, and all who surround this event,
Dina

Namaste Beth,

My heart goes out to you at this time of loss and also to your friend's family. Please let us know if you would like any distant healing at this time.

With regards to your other friends....maybe in some strange way, this is their way of not having to face up to their grief and sense of loss. Shelly quite rightly did what she had to do and you loved her unconditionally enough to understand this and be there for her. Grief, guilt, anger and hurt can all make people act in ways that they wouldn't normally, not that it makes it easier to understand, but i guess it's a part of human nature. Maybe in a little while, you can help them understand the way it really was with Shelly and how important it was that she spend the precious time she had left with her children.

Hugs and blessings
Helen.

Dear Beth,

Sometimes we can not see beyond our own pain or needs. For some, withdrawal of any kind, by another is seen as rejection. If the person is someone we care about, it can be hard to deal with ( I dont mean to suggest that your friend rejected them, just that they may "feel" that way. The "truth" has little to do with feelings). Many times, bad feelings stem from wanting to be close to someone, to share with them & not being able to do so. Your friends are aware that they missed an opportunity that will never be afforded to them again. Perhaps they are expressing their pain in the only way they can. We may even blame the person who died for leaving before we were "ready" for them to....We have as many expectations about death as we do about life.
I am a private person as well and my actions have been misinterpreted many times. However, those that know me, know me.
You loved your friend & accepted her decisions about her life. You "knew" her.
My heart goes out to you, Beth. Sending hugs & a warm shoulder to lean on, if it helps.
Your friend resides in your heart and is with you, always...her gift to you.

Peace,
holobon

Dear Beth,
I am sorry for your sadness.

I can relate to your pain. This is how I lost my mom. She was only 44. I come from a big family and the loss was immence. My mom was very conscious of how she looked during her illness. She didn't like the idea of people remembering her the way she looked when she was ill. Perhaps your friend may have felt that way, I don't know. But whatever her reason for her privacy, it was important to her. And with friends, sometimes that just has to be enough. Perhaps the others will come to accept this in time.

I will send reiki, if you wish... to help heal your broken heart.

Light and Love,
Namaste,
Mammabear

Dear Beth,

namaste,

I understand your loss and extend my sympathy.

Sometimes when people we care about are dying it can be difficult to understand that it is about them and not us. That their wishes are what is important and they should be honored. Shelly had her own reasons for her privacy. The fact that you honored her wishes and do not resent them speaks well for you. The other's are hurt and don't understand, it is still about them. They wanted more and couldn't have it. Maybe they are also a bit angry that she gave them a glimpse of their own mortality. Hopefully, time will give them better perspective.

Hugs,
Walk in beauty,
Rebecca

Thank you for your kindness and supporrt. I fully believe this space is blessed with such wonderful people. I am so tired and drainedfrom this expereince. I guess Icould use a little light and energy. Blessings. Beth

Thank you for your words and comfort. Blessings Beth

Thank you for your words. I read your post exactly when I needed to hear it. I hope that my friends will understand some day. Iwill gladly take any healing you can offer. Blessings Beth

Thank you for your kindness. My friend was a gift to allshe touched. Blessings. Beth

Thank you for your kindness and helping me not to get too negative on my friends reactions. Blessings Beth

Dear Beth.

I am sad also for the loss that that comes with her transition.

Some people lash out when they are in pain.

with Love and Violet Light,
Arati (Michael)

Namaste mammabear In my exhaustion to answer the post, I went right by yours. I am sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age. I think you right,my friend was quite beautiful and I 'm sure she wanted to leave that image in all our hearts and minds. I will accept your offer with gratitude to heal my broken heart. I know I must be patient but every task of this event brings such sorrow. I had to go today to pick out sympathy cards and I broke down in tears at Walmart. I'm a little unfocused to send Reiki at this time but I can send you my prayers if this should remind you of your own loss. Blessing Beth

Beth
Has Shelly lost her battle with cancer? or won the battle against fear?
Fear of the unknown, that's now known to her.
Fear of having to deal with pain and suffering, that's no longer tormenting her and her immediate family.
When you pray tonight envision Shelly in front of you
as a candle. Let her candle represent Shelly's compassion for her family, and your abilities to pass that compassion to others. Her candle can only be lite by your compassion for Shelly, her family and the ones you feel were not thoughtful of her situation.
Then one by one light other candles in you prayers for the others Shelly was not able to to help during her exchange of one life's exsistance for another.
Good Luck
namaste
T2

Dear Mdsmom...

What a warm heart to think of me... you need to focus on you, dear. I'm fine, bless you. Mom died over 20 years ago, but I speak to her often. :-) Her presence is strong with me and perhaps your friends spirit will feel the same for you. It does give great comfort.

What is it about Walmart? I had the same experience just two months ago doing the same... when you find a card with a beautiful message, touching your heart deeply, it's hard not to tear up, no matter where you are. I think most of us can relate to that one...

Reiki is on the way for as long as needed to help heal your hurting heart.

Namaste,
May light and love bless your day,
Mammabear