The Reiki Cafe 

Hello!
As my husband enters a stage of "Is that all there is?", I realize that I don't know alot about spiritual developments for men in their 40's and 50's. I am sure the issues are quite different than for women. For many of my female friends, we are coming into a time of excitement and accomplishments. I see many men at this age feeling stuck and bewildered. I am wondering if this is why there is so much heart disease that we begin to see at that time. I am also looking for male role models at this age and beyond. The men I see most at peace are quite involved in contributing to their community, building for the next generation. Were they always like this, or did their purpose come to them after a dark night? Anyone have inspiring writings, movies, ideas to share?
Gracious blessings!
Feather

Hi Feather

Well - how do I reply to you on such an involved subject? I'm a man of 57yrs and yes - I do believe in the male menopause but this can get mixed up with the natural 'problems'all us guys experience in middle age.Ive always been an active man mentaly and physically; a teacher/facilitator in criminal law and development training; an active runner and keep fit person. BUT! - Its important for a man to feel needed. A man needs a purpose for getting up in the morning. A man needs tactile affection from his wife/partner (this does not necessarily mean sex). OK I'm not ashamed to say that men are 'a bit soft' underneath and few will admit it and certainly to a woman. I have no probs in this department. As a guy gets into his mid forty's he becomes aware that he doesn't function as well as he used to ( including in the bedroom) Loss of labido -maybe, loss of hair-maybe, loss of respect from the younger guys at work - Hi granddad! A man becomes conscious of retirement on the horizon BUT the price is "What will it be like then?" The warrior hunter sees aging ahead. He can very quickly lose his path. Feather the 50's are a dangerous time for men especially health wise and motivation wise. I dont yet have a proper answer for you as I'm still searching for my path after 1yrs retirement and a wife in cancer remission. But I hope that some of the little secrets men never talk about might help you to understand your love ones needs and help him to find his unique path in life.

Light and Wisdom

geoff ( tree)

Otoharo!

Feather, I can not contribute anything that you ask except this. I know when we, any of us, do not fulfill our heart's desire, the heart is likely to stop.

finality

There is something more I know about heart attacks. In 94, when I last attended a Lazaris Intensive, I was experiencing funny reactions in my heart, I can't really describe it. Fluttering? How can a muscle flutter? Anyway, as soon as Lazaris was present, I mentally asked him why did I feel like I feel? In his introduction, he stated that we have to have our .............. balanced or the heart will stop beating. These are calcium and magansium, sodium and potssium. When I got home, I took care of this and have not had those reactions since.

finality
PS I never did think of that word.

The word is electrolytes.
finality

Great subject
Here goes…

Men, no boys, well really teenage guys seek fun, excitement and challenge.
They live for this. For most guys this is what; sports, dating, work, play and everything are all about.

fun and excitement and challenge!!!!!!!!!
It’s a guy thing you wouldn’t understand LOL : )

if its not fun and excitement and challenge then why do it?

this is a very teen/twenty way of being for guys. However it still works in the thirties and a bit into the forties. But this is where it starts to fade.

Things seem to not be as fun as they used to be
Some of the excitement is gone
We can no longer rise to the challenges we did as kids and as twenty somethings

When the above fades we need to replace it something. That something is meaning.

The middle age thing for men is to seek meaning.
Religion
Family
Community
Leaving a legacy
Making our mark
Helping others
Art
Anything else that has meaning

This is why,
”The men I see most at peace are quite involved in contributing to their community, building for the next generation”

If a man cannot find meaning he is in trouble!! Depression, anger etc.

Some men do not even look for meaning. They think the answer is to try to have even more fun, excitement and challenge. This is where the 20 year old girl friend and the red sports car come in. This is where alcohol comes in.

Trying to go backwards and “recapture my youth” does not work. We need to move forward, accept our age, enjoy our maturity and find meaning!

Hope this helps
Rich

Hi Rich

I feel you have 'tagged' onto my message to Feather brilliantly. On this occasion I felt I had written enough but you added to the subject most appropriately. My best mate also a retired Police Officer 'lost direction' hit the booze upon retirement (which included the male menopause) had a stroke and is now paralised down one side whilst perminately hospitalised. He was 56yrs at the time.

To Feather:-

Perhaps you could encourage your husband to share some of your interests. This may not be easy - I dont know. What i do know is that depression is a nasty business. I experienced this illness in my forties but it wasn't the male menopause that caused it. Upon retirement and off medication the temptation to laze about and moan about life was strong. Booze makes depression worse in the long run and having learnt my lesson earlier in life I havn't walked that road again. Ive found purpose in involving myself more in Spiritual matters ie Reiki. I also help an aged neigbour with her gardening whilst giving my wife the rest of my attention due to her recent illness. Perhaps thats an answer - encourage your husband to help others, maybe charity work. this can give a man a real buzz and make him feel he is of worth again. Good luck.

Light and Wisdom

geoff (tree) PS if your husband wants to e-mail me anytime thats fine. GeoffRINGHAM@aol.com

Thanks, Rich!
Tools for such exploration? We do enjoy sweat lodges and hubbie is exploring drumming...goes about once a month. I am trying to encourage him to make his own decisions...this is hard for him...not just now, but always has been. So, I don't want to suggest too much, but sometimes, a well placed birthday gift or such can be nice!
Peace,
Feather

Thanks, geoff, for your willingness to share! Helps raise my consciousness a tad!
Blessings,
Feather

Hi, Finality,
Yes, I believe there are good studies out on magnesium...tends to be lacking in men who have heart attacks.
As to fulfilling heart's desire....step one is FINDING what it is. When one is not used to reflection...that can be a bumpy process, if it happens at all!
Peace,
Feather

And thanks again for this message, geoff!
I truly appreciate the suggestion about charity work. I think that would be a great place to start. As for becoming involved with my interests, that has always been true for him...he really loves helping out in my classes and loves participating in ritual with me....but somehow, it seems that he needs something else....Maybe that is just my bias?
I think many things you have said will help me keep my eyes open to his needs and for opportunities to encourage.
Thank you also for the offer to email . I might suggest this to him if it feels appropriate in our conversations.
Blessings to you and your wife. I wish her continued peace and health.
Feather