The Reiki Cafe 

I have another question. Do you ever fill that you are being taken advantage of. I hate feeling this way and I beat myself up about it all the time. As most of you know my brother has been ill for 10 yrs now and that has taken all of my families lifes and turned them upside down. My sister and I have done everything to help him, that is why we are both Reiki now and I am so glad that we both discovered Reiki don't get me wrong. But you can only help someone so much and the rest is up to them. I am to the point now that I don't want to do anything for him. I feel that he just wants the attention and someone rubbing on him or messing with him in one way or another just for pleasure, no matter what the cost to the other person. When I have to go and do accupressure on him once a week I really dread it. I don't like feeling this way but I feel that it is just the attention for him at my exspense. Maybe I am just tired too, I don't know.

Love and Light to all
Sherry

Maybe both, Sherry...maybe he craves the attention and feels unable to get it any other way...and maybe you 're tired as well.My suggestion would be for you to Reiki the situation.

Love,
Pepi xxx

Hi Sherry,

I'm sure you are bone and brain tired. Years ago I used to feel taken advantage of most of the time, then I learned how I allowed it and how to say No. I understand it is very hard to even think about saying no to someone so ill. Your brother is very lucky to have you and your sister taking such good care of him. Have you looked into respite care? So you can have a break period during each week. Hospitals can put you in touch with social services and they can direct you to organizations and people who might be able to help out with respite or other services.

How advanced his is case, can he do anything for himself still?
If he is on disability then I would think many things could be set up where people would come to the home to do his accupressure etc. which would give you your much needed break.

Just remember you are only human and can only do so much and don't forget to take care of you first and that includes with Reiki.

I would be glad to send Reiki to you if you desire it, let me know. I will offer some prayers for you also.

My brother dealt with a rare cancer and lived in another state and I fixated on him for those 3 years. It can be all encompasing to deal with a loved one who has disease and yet at times feel your hands are tied and whatever you do won't be enough.
What I learned from this was to let the control go as this was his disease and no matter what I did it would follow its intended course.

Rest!

((hugs)) Donna

I work with someone in a similar situation. They have begun to feel bad and are developing health problems of their own. You don't mention what you and your sister do for yourselves. I hope you share Reiki with each other.

Otoharo!

Sherry, you are not required to be used by others, anyone. You must take care of yourself and you own life plan. People sometimes use weakness to control others. It is not healthy to get caught up in that web for you or for them. My sister is caught up now by her husband. I was with her throughout last winter. It is not harmonious with life for anyone to control anyone else.

finality

Thank you all for your thoughts. I would love for any of you to send me Reiki, it would be a honor to recieve it from you. I have battled these feelings for so long it is hard to stop. My mother and father take care of my brother and they do have people come in and do massage and physical therapy on him and he even has one lady come and just pamper him. I need my life back. I want my life back but that just seems so selfish to me. My parents need a break too, and that makes me feel even more selfish. I will do anything for them, anything, but that is all I want to do anymore. I feel that my brother needs to grow up and be a man. He is so self absorbed and that is probly my mothers fault cause she has sheltered him from any unnessitary hurts. Thanks for letting me vent out my flustrations. Please send Reiki I need it.
LOve and Lots of Light to all
Sherry

Sherry,

/*\ Namaste :-}}

- you sound tired.

- compassionate action is Key to the resolution of our Karma (and usually someone else does benefit as well - besides us)

>:-}}

- yet, if one's heart says there needs to be a little time for me??

- for myself?? I listen

>:-}}

- take care,

reiki all around,

all blessings,

Firekeeper

Sherry, I'll send Reiki to you, too. I have a sister who suffers from Parkinson's disease for more than 20 years now. I tried everything 'for her own good' until I realised that only she can decide what is good for her (well, a few friends had to hammer it into me). Then I had to move out of the country and all I could do was send Reiki. Strangely it seems to have worked much better that way. My mother and the rest of the family also needed Reiki and I was amazed at the results. My sister did not seem to improve healthwise, but both her and my mother's attitude have evolved. My mother is not over her constantly as she was. She let her be and is much calmer and their relationship has improved. They feel less guilty towards one another.

Also three years ago my sister decided to go for the operation (a nightmare and I had more than 150 healers and friends around the world sending to her and the situation for a few weeks). I believe it was the Reiki that helped her take this step. It was very positive, but she still considers herself as ill and still doesn't want to meet a lot of people. I also found out that people who are not well for a long period of time are afraid to get well again as it means they will have to look after themselves again, maybe even work again and be independent. They won't be looked after anymore, so there is probably a fear of not being loved. I think that if we are too much over them, we prevent them to grow, to move ahead. We have to remember that we cannot do anything for anyone unless they want it.

I know it sounds difficult, it is difficult and we always have doubts as whether we are doing the right thing, but I believe we have to trust the signs. If we are tired we have to rest, if we don't want to do something, it is better to not do it rather than do it with a grudge (this I found out goes also for washing the dishes ;-)). There are periods of time when I just don't feel like doing any spiritual work, any Reiki, I don't even do my daily prayers. You know what? I discovered that it is during these times that all the good things happen to me and those are the times during which I realise I have moved forwards. It's like being more relaxed when on vacations. So I don't worry about it anymore as I know than in a few days I'll find myself praying again.

Oh my... this is a bit of a long one and only talking about mememe... I just wanted to say I'll be sending some Reiki and please take care of yourself. When we are feeling well and happy people around us feel better.
Sending Reiki comfort and warmth, a big hug and a laugh
Viviane

Dear Snickers,
Care givers of chronically ill family members experience a wealth of emotional trials that one who has not lived the situation can possibly understand. As a nurse I was educated/trained to understand this but it really hit home when I experienced it first hand. You want to be loving & kind but you are so weary & worn out. It is very tough when you are berated for not doing enough when you are at the end of your rope & doing more than you yourself would expect others to do for you. In other words, the sick person can become selfish & self centered & abuse you, you become angry with them & then consumed with guilt because you are the lucky one, etc. etc. ( Im not saying that this is your situation, just one Im familiar with). It gets worse if other family members side with the sick person & against you, etc. etc. Everyone's expectations may be unrealistic.
This is one of the most difficult situations to deal with. If you have home health assistance, is there respite help available or counseling services for the care givers? A support group for caregivers perhaps? Sounds like you & probably other family members need some space.

peace & joy,
holobon

Oh Viviane, thank you so much. That hit home so much. I feel you know what it is like and it is very hard to deal with. I think you are right when you said that they are afraid of being on there own. My brother has to have someone working on him all the time, rubbing, touching, what ever. He didn't really like the Reiki in the beginning because we didn't touch him, but he did like the attention. This may sound bad but sometimes I wish I had a good excuse to move myself. That way I wouldn't get pulled into things that I don't want to do, it is so hard to say NO, then the guilt sets in then my health goes bad. Anyway, I am so sorry about your sister I know you have exsperienced alot of what I have. Bless you. Thanks alot for writting. You helped me alot. :}
Love and LIght and blessings to you
Sherry

Dear Holobon, the last 2 post have hit me on the head. You explained it to a t how things are right now. It is so nice to hear from others that have gone though this. I probly should talk to some one about it, but there is no way that my mother would ever agree to it. She would never leave him to go out, and I can see her point to because if you don't know his needs and signs of problems when he has them he would die. My mother would never be able to deal with that if it happened when she decided to leave. She does need time out from it, but that won't happen. She also is raising his 5 yr old daughter from birth. My mother is 67 and my dad is 72 and he is diabetic. I have no problem at all helping them with the daughter that I love dearly, or any thing else that they may need, but I just can't help with my brother any longer. Thanks so much, you really touched home for me. Blessings to you,
Love and Light
sherry

Dear Sherry, Although I understand what you are going through, I think you are having a bigger problem and dilemna than I ever had. I don't know what your brother suffers from, except that I understand it is extremely serious. Is there an association of families of people suffering from the same disease? In Europe there is one almost in every country for people suffering from Parkinson's disease and their families can get help. We did not use their services because we talked a lot about all this between us and I must say my mother changed a lot and accepted what we were saying and tried hard. I still believe that the Reiki helped us all.

What I think people in cases like yours need most is a 'holiday' from the situation. When my father was very sick and could not be left alone (but he did not suffer from any life threatening disease, except his heart), we managed to send our mother on holiday and stayed in turn with him - a very difficult task as I found out! I know that some people find it difficult to trust someone else. Would it be possible for someone (a nurse?) to come and help a few days a week? while your mother is there, then maybe after a while she might see that this person is good and can be trusted, they might develope a good relationship and she might relax a little bit.

Hmmm, here I go again, trying to help without really knowing anything. Typical me... I better go and send some Reiki, it's probably more helpful.
Love and hugs and courage
Viviane

Hello Dearest Sherry,
*hugs you warmly, wrapping you in a violet energy**

Bless your heart. I know what you mean when you say you feel resentful during healings.
I remember a few years ago when my mom was hurting very badly. I was going to work on her when I felt this huge block come up in my heart. I had to take a seat and try and recenter myself.
I was soooo upset because I could feel my resentment surface and a feeling of not wanting to reiki her. I sat there silently crying on the inside and praying that my heart would open. I was so hard on myself for my feelings.

Remember that were in certain families for a reason. The person is showing us a mirror of some sort. The resistance that you are having working on him might be that it mirrors your fears in some way. It might be that being close to someone you love so much is very difficult for you. It might be that opening your heart in an unconditonal way is hard for you because it touches old wounds you still carry from younger days.
These things that are most difficult to overcome are most always our highest blessings.
I like to say, may your deepest fears become your greatest strength.

Know you are being guided at this time to heal this very deep issue. Though you may feel alone, many wings are holding you up. :} ( saw that somewhere, love it)
Who knows how many lifetimes you have worked to heal this issue between you and your family. Now you are aware enough to begin the process of letting go of the need to hold onto pain in a more loving and healthy way.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself room to be who you are without lashing out at yourself too badly if you feel you have done something less than "spiritual" in regards to your brother.

Being challenged to grow past our fears is quite an honour really. It takes lots of courage to even see it. Bless you sweetie. Know you already are.

all my love,
Jahnavi

Hello sweet Jahnavi18,

Thank you so much for the warm hugs and violet energy. Did you every figure out what the resentment was for you? I think my resentment is to my brother is that when he was healthy, he was never there for me. He was always interested in getting the girls and being macho. I was the middle child and my sister was the first which is always special, she got to do things growing up like batton lessons and such, not alot though because of money. When it came to me my parents always told me that I would never finish what ever it was I wanted to do so I never got to do anything, then came my brother,wow its a boy. My dad did everything with him, even coached a ball team with him. He was just it. I know that my parents love me alot, and did the best with what they knew. 37 years later it is still about my brother. I just wonder if my parents put him on such a pedistal that he didn't feel that he could live up to it. Wow I think that just came to me, in the Louise Hay book it says for ALS the cause is unwillingness to accept self worth. Denial of success. I don't know if that fits or not what do you think? Well anyway, thanks for listening, Just trying to figure this all out before it drives me crazy. I don't have anyone else to talk to. Warms hugs back to ya.
Love
Sherry

One more thing about my brother, he is so good looking and yet he could never hold a girlfriend. He has had 3 relationships in his life that I know really meant alot to him, but all were broke off by the girl. Maybe that is why he could never accept self worth. All 3 girls broke his heart.
Love and Light
Sherry

Dear Sherry,
One note about the Louise Hay book. It works better as a guide than truth. What I mean is that one needs to be careful of drawing conclusions about why certain things occur. Sometimes, we are not meant to know why in this lifetime. Sometimes holding onto a conclusion will link cause & effect as "blame".
It is good to think & ask questions. It is the conclusions that can be troublesome.

peace & joy,
holobon

Otoharo!

Sherry, it sounds like you are being very clear and honest with your perceptions of your situation. As you do this, keep in mind that the universe does not require you to make up for the hardships of others. The universe does not expect you to behave in any sort of way toward him. You are free to do and free not to do without judgment. This leaves you without obligation. Take care of yourself first, always.

finality